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CURIOUS INDEX, 8/1/2008

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New Verbiage: Cat Lassie Syndrome. For the upcoming season, we present new terminology for understanding and describing your team's position. For example: what happens when your coach sees your team crushed under a tree, and obviously in need of help, and yet does nothing?

Obviously, you are suffering from Cat Lassie Syndrome.

We're looking at you, Greg Robinson.

We made an unfair comment, and apologize, which probably means it's true. Pat White apologizes for suggesting that the baseball coach at West Virginia was a racist. This means we instantly suspects the comment is true, fair, and accurate, and thus required immediate correction and apology.

Nat Lite? Who says we pay players. Maurkice Pouncey, Florida lineman, proves that at least one college player isn't getting paid under the table, since only the most uncivilized donkey would, with a decent beer allowance, opt to ingest the carcinogenic swillpiss that is Natty Lite.

According to the traffic ticket, Pouncey, who started at guard as a true freshman and recently turned 19, had in his possession an opened can of Natural Lite beer when the vehicle he was traveling in was pulled over for driving without a tag light.

Even qualifying Natural Lite as alcohol is a bit of a stretch, though if the ticket were issued for "open container of barely-ingestable pre-urine," we would approve. One point goes to Florida in the Fulmer Cup, who needs to up the supplementals to bump the players up to Coors Light at the least.

Now let us praise the WWL. Our latest Sporting News column's latest affront to logic and grammar is a comparison of Lee Corso to a bear with vertigo. Enjoy?

Urban Meyer called the punishment "harsh." Alabama's Prince Hall will serve a three game suspension beginning with Alabama's game against Clemson. This affront to a titan of black freemasonry will not be tolerated.