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CURIOUS INDEX, 7/31/2008

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Damn you, youtube banditos. Had we not been busy researching our important upcoming paper on mesenchymal stem cells*, we would have been all over it. Apologies--that was Myron Rolle, not us. We were busy, really. Getting Nico Bellic laid doesn't happen all by itself, you know. It requires calling a virtual woman on an virtual phone, who then will go get hammered with you at a bar at 12:30 on a weekday afternoon, and will then tell you that you are "special," either meaning the video game is praising your character's sexual prowess, or calling him retarded.

Perhaps we are retarded: not checking Red Dirt Kings for one day cost us watching a video of Josh Jarboe popping lines like this in a cadence best described as "Federline'd":

If she want a barbecue I put my meat up on her grill.

As RDK points out, he's not the original playa from the himalaya, and will never be judging from the somewhat constipated flow. You may ask, "Lawya please, what do you know about rap?" We're white: who knows more about bad rap than a white guy, we ask? No one. As a race, we've been failing spectacularly in this field for years, and we may be cited individually as experts in inept hip-hop recitation.

Science backs us up since you may still watch the video of the red-dreaded Jarboe bustin' here, and observe the only guy who rocks out to Jarboe's electrifying soliloquy in the background:


Feel it! Feel it! Feel the vibration!

Correct: that's Jabob's Ladder Fred Durst back there. QEDMF. (Red Dirt Kings also points us to the new Johnsonville Brat-Burger. Your heart just hiccuped a little looking at that word.)

Speaking of hiccups: Life becomes stranger than fiction would care to make it at a rate equal to Time passing multiplied by Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Exhibit J, as in Jacksonville State, may be found here.

Catch Lefevour. Achingly bad punnery abounds when Dan Lefevour comes up. Catch the...um...illness.

We regret the error. All those responsible have been sacked, and those responsible for the sacking have been sacked. In addition to being wrong on the fumble call against Ohio State in the Illinois game, the Big Ten ref heading the crew had a “history of bankruptcy, casino gambling, child abuse and allegations of sexual harassment,” meaning he is unsuitable for collegiate officiating, but has a definite future in public service. Hey, if you're really good, you can have your own signed Beanie Wells jersey! Seized from your house by the Feds!

He likes to win. Houston Nutt's new press guide for Ole Miss is typically modest. Oh, sure, it's a fark, but you wouldn't be surprised.

*Oh, come now. You and we both know this is Florida State code for "The Physics of Gas Siphoning." To be fair, it is a much more lucrative field currently than blogging.