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PETE CARROLL: THAT TROPHY BELONGS IN A MUSEUM

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Last week on College Football Live--which if you're not watching just to get your righteous blog anger on, you should at least be watching on the Brent Musberger Unfrozen 1973 Male Inappropriate Comment Watch beat--Pete Carroll was put on their "Rapid Fire" segment, which Pete aced. Why did he ace Rapid Fire? Because if it's a gum spitting contest for accuracy, the Humanitarian's gonna put it right on the line, hombre, and if it's a backyard basketball game, he's gonna put a triple-double up on you, and if it's a contest to see who can make the tastiest braunschweiger out of local homeless people...well, rest assured Pete's gonna outdo you in the art of serving man in tasty, well-spiced tubules, sir.

Carroll was asked what he would be if he wasn't a football coach. The answer?

Carroll: I'd be an archaeologist.

He's probably not thinking about the "oh god, did I just spend eight years of my life to dig holes and lay down twine grids?" school of archaeology. Carroll is instead assuming the Indiana Jones style of archaeology, where you spend all day gallivanting through doom-filled ruins pulling shiny things out of booby-trapped spaces only to find your competitor has beat you to it or is waiting for you outside with an army of grumpy pygmies, which is okay because after the thrilling escape you get to bang hot chicks and shoot the natives when they get uppity.

Actually, we think we know exactly what this looks like in Pete's head, down to the face of the competitor.

"You see, Dr. Carroll, again there is nothing you can find that I cannot take from you!"