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Mike Leach has an exciting weekend in early December. He gets to go to the airport! YAYYYYYYY AIRPORT! This third-grader's dream comes to him courtesy of DFW Airport in Dallas, which Leach called "a mess" in public. So....if you criticize an airport in public, they'll invite you there and give you free stuff, essentially?

Denpasar Ngurah Rai International Airport in Bali, you're totally and completely on notice! EDSBS dares you to show us how you've improved your disorganized and unsatisfactory ways, complete with round-trip airfare to Bali and accomodations. We're available anytime between now and whenever.

Your airport, frankly, is a mess, Bali. We demand a tour.

Coach DickRod hates your children. Michigan football players will miss the "Heroes for Kids" golf benefit because of a mandatory workout, something the football program is "disappointed" about, but there's hang cleans to be done, people. Cue minor wailing from the morality and order faction at Michigan, who will likely quietly moan on about how this is just another sign of the increasing heartless professionalization of their program, DickRod's heartlessness, these kids on the internet, four dollar gas, how canned tuna just isn't as good as it used to be, how this would never have happened if Kirk Ferentz had been hired...

It's true on Ferentz. The players would have made it. Then this would have ensued.

Eugene Clifford, misunderstood archaeologist and Ohio State special teamer, has been given his release from his scholarship at THE university and will play football somewhere else. Clifford is noted for fighting at a Columbus era bar Cincinnati area bar called "The Holy Grail," where he discovered that if you do not choose wisely, you are transformed into a scholarship-free athlete almost instantly. His anger is understandable: when a place promises the "cup of of the king of kings," they damn well better have Spaten Optimator on tap.

"Sweet anonymity," Tuberville says. Tommy Tuberville walked right through the crowd at registration yesterday for SEC Media Days like an anonymous accout rep as Tim Tebow was pawed by the adoring masses. Said masses included Tony Hawk, who gasped in awe as Tebow grabbed the souvenir board Hawk gave him, climbed the escalator in two bounds, and then executed a perfect railslide on the escalator in the lobby of the Wynfrey hotel. The crowd applauded a second time as every uncircumcised man's foreskin in the lobby spontaneously and painlessly fell off in reaction to Tebow's grinding acrobatics.

We have a suspicion both teams made money off this. Just a hunch. We're in agreement with Blutarsky, as we usually are, on the math behind the Clemson/Alabama football game: we suspect they made the numbers spin their way. Additional benefit: Clemson and Alabama fans can drink during the game, albeit with the threat of their preacher seeing them on the teevee! WOOOOO drunk and disorderly conduct.