Pete Carroll, who really does love every single one of you more than you can ever possibly love yourself, has changed his email address. Are you ready for the most awesome email address ever in the history of the awesome universe? No, you're not, but that's how change starts: with pain, discomfort, and great struggle, meaning that lukewarm ground beef burrito you ate? The one you left in the car for a half a day, but on your way home you thought, "Oh, what could have happened to it since lunch?" By the aforementioned metrics, it's going to put you through immense change later.
Anyway, Pete Carroll's new email address is alwayscompetecarroll@usc.edu. See, right there? It's got his name in the word "compete!" YOU CAN'T SPELL COMPETE WITHOUT PETE! This got us thinking, of course, about other personalized coaching emails that needed to be made and reserved. We reprint the list below for your perusal, though you'll have to guess which ones belong to which coach.
camarodrivingtrimbandit@asu.edu
nobodylovesyoulikeyourmamalovesyoubutwhoslovinyourmamaiamiam@ucla.edu
notwithoutmeyerdaughter@ufl.edu
fetalattraction@cincinnati.edu (on account of the coach looking like a huge infant, natch.)
philledwithpurehoglardandlove@utk.edu.also.custard
ionlywhoopyoucauseiloveyou@michigan.edu
spurrierihardlyknower@usc.edu
thereisnothingfunnyaboutrandyshannon@miami.edu
toxicwastemakesusstrong@rutgers.edu
wouldyouliketoplayagame@berkeley.edu
chrisgetawayFROMTHEDAMNBALL@texas.edu
reconstructivekneesurgeryyourewelcome@auburn.edu
thisemailisbullshit@uk.edu
yesweweartheundiesevenwhenweplay@byu.edu
yousoiledmyascot!@vanderbilt.edu
halfsweaterallman@Tosu.edu
lunchwasanailsandwichandIlikedit@vt.edu
partofthiscompletebreakfast@purdue.edu
betterandbetterandheadbuttingasnackmachine@illinois.edu
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr@texastech.edu
haveagreatday@lsu.edu
whatthehellisanemailwhyIamItyping@psu.edu
18holesandacloudofdust@uw.edu
tomobrien@ncstate.com
grohklahomawherethewindgoesmehwhaeva@uva.edu
andthisbirdyoucannotchange@colorado.edu
bopelinigomontoya@unl.edu
acceptingpreliminaryoffers@arkansas.edu
stoopstoconquer@oklahoma.edu
stoopsthereitis@arizona.edu
twotimestwentyplusmeequalsman@osu.edu
nowtakingwalkons@louisville.edu
homemovieenthusiast@nd.edu
ivemadeahugemistake@smu.edu
puzzledandsexy@pitt.edu
giggitygiggity@olemiss.edu
onlythemostessentialoilsforthisnight@msstate.edu
schenellygotthatcountrygrammar@fau.edu
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