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A man. A pants. Panama. Pat Dye lost a tremendous pair of pants in the 1980s, credit cards, ID, and all. They lay at the bottom of a lake in Alabama for 23 years. Then, one day, an intrepid bottle-hunter found them and was suddenly granted powers she didn't understand!!! We're sorry. And an evil that lay dormant for two decades roared back to life! No, that's not it. Let's try one more: and the Auburn coach came and got them!!!

"Who's Pat Dye? Wait..."

Really, you don't know enough about Pat Dye if you don't think the idea of him losing his pants sometime in 1985 while golfing isn't the funniest thing you'll hear all day. The entire article is brick after brick of solid humor platinum, but it peaks with the following.

Not surprisingly, Coach Dye said he has no recollection of losing his wallet or his pants. This was the Reagan era, after all.

LOLzheimer's! Either they're making an Iran-Contra Alzheimer's joke, or implying Dye was too zoinked on junk bond euphoria and blow to recall what happened to his pants. Thank you, Lake Magazine, Lake Martin edition. When we are low, we will recall this article and smile a warm smile.

Now, let's not get crazy. Punt on third down. Brandon Dillard loses as big a guy wire as an athlete can lose in your body, the Achilles Tendon, leaving Virginia Tech without its biggest offensive playmaker for the entire 2008 season. Adam thinks they should just punt on second down, but let's have a cuddly moment of molestational honesty: isn't there a small part of you that suspects Frank Beamer would like to do that anyway?

Shatter-proof glass is the best. Arkansas linebacker Wendel Davis earns points for breaking a window on a car that bumped his scooter in traffic in Fayetteville. Give this kid a starter's jersey for this moxie:

Davis was taken to Washington Regional Medical Center after he injured his hand when he punched the car, according to Gary Crain, public information officer

Do you want to foight me, Toyota Camry!!! A linebacker that will fight cars is our kind of football player, especially if he nurses a grudge against mid-sized American sedans, those bastards. Two points for Arkansas, awarded in the big board update next week.

The Mayor was typing out his ruling last night on Michael Lemon, Georgia DE, and his Fulmer Cup points when ESPN had to come along and say that Lemon's going to be charged with a felony and misdemeanor battery, meaning he might get UGA an additional point in the Fulmer Cup. We're holding off on updating the points, so save the emails for the moment.

Urbz wants his nmbr. Get Das Uberboy a scholly, now.