CURIOUS INDEX, 7/1/2008

Rich Brooks thinks this boat is bullshit. Rich Brooks is fine despite falling out of a boat and into the McKenzie River on Monday. How tough is Rich Brooks? He swam to "a gravel bar" after the accident. Yes: Rich Brooks is so tough his drink of choice is gravel. This explains so many things we wondered about Brooks.

Beano Cook predicts a Notre Dame championship. Moon orbits earth. Dog licks own taint.

Our favorite part of this clip? Beano Cook braying Mike Hill's attempts to engage in PTI-style aggroconversation into submission by pretending deafness, shooting down his point, and then steamrolling on like the indomitable hunk of Iron City Beer-swilling man he is into a bold prediction of a national title for Notre Dame in the "next four or five years." [/powlus'd!]

"It's a four hour infomercial when you watch Notre Dame." Well, it's inaccurate, since there's no one mixing up smoothies with the same unnecessary, overtaxed kitchen widget they just used to cook a roast. ("The Bladed Hellstorm: The Only Oven that Slices, Burns, and Purees!") If Tom Hammond did the whole broadcast with Berman from the Magic Bullet ad working color, though, we might actually linger on NBC's purgatorial coverage of Notre Dame games long enough to do more than check the score, marvel at Tom Hammond's zeppelin-head in HD, and then run screaming for the safety of ABCspn.

What do Mike Stoops and Robespierre have in common? Answer: it's coming up on the month of Thermidor, and their heads are on the chopping block. From the Tucson Citizen, who produced this article by purchasing three or four preseason mags, checking collegefootballnews.com once, and then copying and pasting the rest.

Mike Stoops' job security and a more explosive offense should be the top story lines for the Arizona football team.

At least that's what the college football preseason magazines are saying.

Stoops, entering his fifth year with the program, has a 17-29 overall record and has yet to reach a bowl game.

"Mike Stoops' job is on the line - will a minor bowl game be enough?" Lindy's asks.

Buzz Bissinger thinks you're full of shit, Tucson Citizen! If you're quoting Lindy's, the Swank magazine of preseason mags, you're officially reaching. There should be citations for this sort of behavior, and the proceeds should go to worthy charities like the IRC, the Red Cross, or the Swindle Drank Fund. (Warning! This beverage may cause one to lean!)

BHGP is all Steve McQueen on that ass. Hawkeye State produces a fine film about Michigan.

Our funeral pyre won't be nearly as glorious. The AJC has pics of UGA VI's funeral, and it truly is nicer than yours will be. A correction, though: you do not see Ray Goff's name on those nameplates in the little corner graveyard at Samford Stadium. Goff rests in a drainage ditch just outside of the main campus, and has declined help for 13 years, choosing to remain in a prone position calmly contemplating the sky in between occasional sips of beer brought to him by kind students.