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The University of Washington just lost their leading tackler from last season, linebacker E.J. Savannah, because he broke his arm. How? Cue the mad tack piano chase music that is the theme music for all things Washington football:in an arm-wrestling match. Exclusive footage of a parallel event that is slightly similar but not really below! Don't watch before breakfast!

The injury takes 2-3 months to recover from, meaning he'll be a weak go for the opening month of the season. This will not affect the juggernaut that is Washington football at all. Don James cried himself to sleep...again.

Keep the wacky piano music playing. Syracuse has lost their leading receiver, Mike Williams, to "academic issues." He scored 10 of the 24 TDs Syracuse tallied last year. In comparison: Tim Tebow had 55 TDs passing and rushing last year by his lonesome. Correction: scored with the help of his Lord and savior Jesus Christ.

West Virginia could be seizing the lead in the Fulmer Cup if an ongoing investigation yields evidence that Pugh was involved with the use of a stolen credit card taken from a car in a West Virginia University parking garage last week. But hey, he allegedly used deductive powers of reasoning to find the car, pressing the PANIC button to find the car! That and being related to the governor would certainly be worth, what, an MBA and a Ph.D?

The process seems invasive, if the headline from the WV Gazette is to be believed:

WOOOOOO LISTS! Chris and ourselves shamelessly list away in the first installment of the Enumerative. Cricket is good for beer, bad for interest.