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CURIOUS INDEX, 5/21/08

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Rich Rodriguez held a lengthy presser yesterday, astounding the local press with his ability to answer questions without gritting his teeth or strangling kittens. DickRod even commented on his ongoing legal tussle with West Virginia and the disagreement with Joe Tiller over an oral commitment stolen out from under him by Michigan.

When pressed about the conversations and whether there's a gentleman's agreement to avoid committed recruits, Rodriguez stood his ground. "We didn't write an agreement down. ... That's what I got a kick out of. I didn't see any memos across the desk, and nobody could recollect anything."

Rodriguez pleading Reagan on this makes us titter, if only because Tiller believed he could make "a gentleman's agreement" in college football re: recruiting. We have another deal for Tiller. We will send an attractive female relative of yours out with a very attractive 23 year old man. We will give them two tickets to a local all-you-can-drink beer festival, but only if they promise not to have sex at any point during the day or evening. (No "oral commitments," either.) It'll all go according to plan! We swear!

Hayes has his top players in the Big 12 up by position, and Oklahoma's sizing up to have a positively monstrous offensive line this year. They're chocked with all-name nutrition, too: Duke Washington and Phil Loadholt were born to be linemen. Peter thinks the Big 12 will be the Pac-10 of the '90s this year, all points and ole! defense, but he's forgetting that Will Muschamp just walked into Austin. BOOM Motherfucker will have the Longhorns get their maim on soonishly.

I am obsessed with titties and compelled to gamble on riverboats. We wish Ryan Perrilloux the best at Jacksonville State, and hope he continues to take his medications. However, it's not his fault, because he has a disorder, and that makes it all okay.

He also revealed that before last season, he was diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and was prescribed medication to control symptoms such as anxiety.

That explains everything. The bills tucked into the garter never lined up! The stacks of chips never lined up! There must be five ice cubes in this drink! FIVE! BTW, Alonzo Spellman thinks you're a total wuss, kid.

They did tie Auburn in the 1937 Bacardi Bowl. Villanova opens the season for West Virginia, assuring us that even if the new-fangled 'Eer offense isn't immediately in rhythm, you won't know it in week one anyway. Villanova's last real moment of football glory came in the 1937 Bacardi Bowl in Cuba, a 6-6 tie with Auburn nearly postponed when the new dickhead-with-epaulets-in-charge, Fulgencio Batista, had the game postponed until the programs could be reprinted with a picture of himself on them.

Any excuse to post Basement Jaxx videos. Andrew Luck n00b qb for the Stanford Cardinal, was valedictorian of his class, meaning he's either real smart, or his high school class had five people in it. We just post this for two reasons: one, to prepare you for any and all groan-inducing "good Luck" puns, and two, because it means we can tangentially find an excuse to post the video for "Good Luck."

You must love a band that uses no fewer than ten rhythm tracks in every song, and features a video where the female protagonist takes her triflin' boyfriend and locks him up in solitary. Well played, Lisa.