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The Kentucky football programwill use its own plane for recruiting after Wildcat bigwigs approved the measure to help Kentucky keep up with other programs in both basketball and football handshakin' and promise makin'. Sure, they could go the reasonable route and lease their own private plane, a reasonable time-share in the sky with some other contractor...or they could nut up and do the SEC proud by going the Iron Man route, getting a fly-ass private jet complete with stunning waitresses, disco lights, and retractable stripper pole. You know it's only a matter of time before LSU does just that and puts a deep-fryer in the galley. Or you could just go Google-luxe. Hammocks in space, bitches!
Nick Saban was at Kent State when four Kent State students were shot by National Guardsmen in the worst recruiting campaign for the National Guard ever. Saban says it gave him "perspective," a quote which makes you wonder why more sportswriters don't commit death by wall/head collision in search of meaningful quotes for stories. In other news, our morning dose of Tussin made us feel "Tussin'd." Jabu Lovelace will freak you from the bench. The EDSBS Heisman Candidate '08 based on pimpish name alone, Jabu Lovelace, is the subject of another "hey, there's lots of confidence and stuff about everyone around here because we're all confident and stuff" offseason article. Rutgers should be confident: a name like Jabu Lovelace practically guarantees scoring both on and off the field. His full first name? Jabulani. That little rush of pleasure you just felt? Only a hint of the freaky pleasures that await you and your adventures in love with Jabu. Strengths: ability to read defenses, take hits from linebackers and buildings. Live to win! Dartmouth qb Conner Kempe can't make kiteboarding any less silly than you think it is...but he almost died trying: Kempe was kiteboarding off the coast of Miami when he caught an unusually strong updraft. While updrafts are what give kiteboarders speed and time during a run, this current carried Kempe 60 feet in the air and flew him 300 feet onto shore, smashing him into the side of a building, dragging him to the ground, and throwing him into cars, poles and fences. Kempe was read last rites at one point before his astounding recovery, and will start for Dartmouth this fall. GRRRRR BARWIS. The cult of Barwis expands ever further. No, your 30 minute session on the elliptical machine does not necessitate the consumption of chocolate milk because you did not just do five sets of hang cleans followed by a ten minute plyometric vomit-circuit. |
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