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CURIOUS INDEX, 5/1/2008

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Pretty much, dude. The playoff proposal fronted by the SEC and the ACC died unholy, cruel deaths at the BCS meetings in Florida yesterday. First Delany pulled at its flesh with pliers; then he had minions whip it with electrified cables; then it was forced to swear fealty to the Rose Bowl forever before sitting unsupported on a bamboo spike. When it finally caved and spoke mercy, Delany then pissed on it, ripped its organs from its body, and had its head hung over the city gates as a warning to the citizenry.

As the Wiz wrote:

The formula for success is simple: Line up the nonconference schedule with home games against the likes of Tennessee Tech, Maine, Wofford and Villanova, ensuring four victories. Then grind out a 2-6 conference record and presto — you're bowling!

There is hope in all of this for one team looking for an elusive bowl win: thanks to Central Arkansas, Notre Dame might win a bowl game this year. We think we said this last year, too, which shows you that just when you think you've hit bottom, the floor drops out and deposits you into a seamless concrete tank filled with lit kerosene and flameproof crocodiles.

Thugs don't always work. Charlie won't recruit those hoodlums and thugs you know and love, college football fan.

His plan has worked so far. Weis mentioned that he has had very little social problems to deal with in his three years as coach of Notre Dame.

"I could get hoodlums and thugs and win tomorrow," Weis said. "I won't do it that way."

Weis still has not learned how to be a proper head coach, and this is further proof, because as anyone knows, Iowa tried just that, and look where it's gotten them. City Boyz Inc NOT EQUAL wins.

We think that's a myth. Shavodrick Beaver, hyperheeled qb recruit for Michigan, receives the ass-end of some awkward Tom Luginbill phrasing in an excerpt from Feldman's entry from yesterday:

He is probably very similar to what Pat White looked like coming out of high school as a passer, but Beaver is much bigger and may be more explosive for his size."

That's all a myth, right? Further field research required.

It's a road...you go...when you die... Take a shot from the mancannon of the internet in the face, Bissinger! Where else can you get bearded hipsters singing odes to the Rainbow Road level from MarioKart, a game we will waste at least seven hours this weekend playing.