"John Parker Wilson, if you throw another pick you punk, I will run after you full speed every minute of every day for the rest of your life, you sissy-haired, seven-named tampon-frill!"
"Let me go! These people are paying me $4 million a year! CAN YOU SAY CRAZY?!?!??!! LET ME GO!!!"
"Coach, just the wallet, and no one gets hurt."
JPW: "I'll never wear summer-weight cotton! Never! Especially in that brown!"
Saban: "But it's a must-have classic! It goes with everything!"
JPW: "It clashes with my complexion! Can you say jaundice, coach? Jaundice, I tell you!"
Or simply: "FREE RIBLET NIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT CAUSES CHAOS AT ALABAMA PRACTICE."