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PETE CARROLL FACEBOOK UPDATE: HE NEEDS BATTERIES!

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Pete Carroll's Facebook updates have become a source of much mirth for us, mostly because they are so precisely Pete Carollish in every way. And we're jacked to help him find batteries.

Reasons Pete Carroll might need those ever-so-scarce batteries:

1. Rey Maualugabot out of juice. (Maiming people takes voltage.)

2. Having battery collecting competition with someone, maniacially assembly piles of batteries in order to WIN FOREVER.

3. Wii controller died halfway through intense Tennis Match with Will Ferrell. The loser has to plunge their hand into the hot water heater and keep it there for three seconds! Yeah!

4. Taser not eliciting quality yalps! of excellence and pain from recruits like it should.