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Story-toppers, like haters or zombies, are everywhere, but let's just stop asking head coaches about their personal lives? Ever? Frank Beamer was horribly burned as a young man, Randy Shannon lost pretty much his entire family to AIDS and drugs, and now Ted Miller has a piece on on new Washington State coach Paul Wulff, who doesn't want to be a downer or anything, but...

What's the worst thing that could happen to a child? Both parents dying? That would be horrible. But Paul Wulff, Washington State's new football coach, endured something even more excruciating when he was 12 years old.

His mother disappeared on a July night in 1979. Significant evidence suggested she was murdered. And it pointed toward one suspect.

Wulff's alcoholic father.

Oh, but wait. Remember, at the end of Cannibal, The Musical, when Trey Parker suggests that the one thing that life had taught him was that just when you think things can't get worse, they usually do? Of course you do, and you should be thinking it right now as you read the other absolutely horrific, unspeakable thing that happened to Paul Wulff.

What's the worst thing that could happen to a husband? His young, vibrant wife dying? Paul Wulff also knows how that feels. His first wife, Tammy, his college sweetheart, died in his arms in 2002 after a five-year battle with brain cancer. She was 39. this going to make USC running up the score on them this year a bit more shameful? Answer: yes. Will it happen? The Cougars only have around 60 scholarship players around, meaning they likely won't even have a spring game, so answer there = yes, as well. It just won't feel as good as it usually does. Who cares, though? Relatively speaking, for Wulff, a tough season with a skimpy roster ain't shit in terms of challenge.

No, I mean it, this is no big deal. TRUST ME HERE.