You wanna get on my RV? Seriously, we give the kids all kinds of things, but an RV? You better not complain, and you better make sure it's got the pullout sides and mobile satellite link-up I require, because THIS IS A DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL AND I NEED A DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL RV TO MATCH!!!
Dan Hawkins is totally serious about this in a zen kind of way, of course:
"I told them I said, 'Hey, let's rent a motor home and let's just start going around to every town in the state and saying, hi, and meeting boosters and alums and people and engaging people,'" Hawkins said.
Dan Hawkins at the infamous Colorado Supermax: "Now, this place has the kind of intensity I crave in our football program." We can't wait, brah.
We apologize, Auburn fans. That's A-p-o-l-o-g-i-z-e. Bromberg's Jewelry has apologized for running a full-page ad in the Birmingham News that featured some unheard-of! stereotypes concerning Auburn, class, and academics. (Tiger points out below that this is old cheese. We leave it up as a testimony to the dangers of sprinting headlong through your RSS reader without looking.)
The ad, which ran in The Birmingham News Nov. 21, read: You love her, but shes an Auburn fan. Whoever said love conquers all obviously wasnt in love with a Cow College grad. But even though her grandma was the state tobacky-spittin champ and she can burp out every bar of War Eagle, your world revolves around her. So turn her thoughts from blue and orange to wedding white with the perfect engagement ring from Brombergs. Soon shell be singing your praises as the best fiancé ever. Provided theres no spelling involved.
They could have just made the whole thing better with a few jokes about mop-headed date rapists who throw their black manservants from balconies for fun, but nooooooo, we had to let the PC police win this one, didn't we Brombergs--didn't we?!?!? Nation, this nation's going to hell in a handbasket, and this is just one more reminder of that along with the tolerance of those merciless, remorseless killing machines known as bears.
More and more, it's looking like Les Miles will not be dismissing Ryan Perrilloux from the team. There's radio silence from Baton Rouge, no back-channel reports from readers who've sighted Perrilloux fighting rooms full of obese and furious gamblers at local casinos, none of the outlandish stories that were floating around two months ago. It's quiet...a little too quiet. [/cliche]
Antonio Coleman lay motionless on the turf for 15 minutes following a fight at Auburn's practice this past Saturday. Coleman suffered a cervical sprain and is regaining feeling in his extremities, meaning you clearly shouldn't fuck with Lee Ziemba, the offensive lineman engaged with Coleman at the time of the injury. Because Lee Ziemba ain't nothing ta fuck with unless you enjoy immobility and numbness.
CURIOUS INDEX, 3/4/08