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JUMBO FULMER CUPDATE: VOLS, BAMA, AND COCKS, OH MY!

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There's much going on and Brian's not going to have the big board until tomorrow morning, so here's your jumbo-sized Fulmer Cupdate for the day. It's a classic one at that: all SEC, DUI, weed, and a double Yellowhammer State felony extravaganza.


Ready to rock!

Britton Colquitt can't drive after five drinks. Therefore, he earns a DUI for smashing into a car, causing $400 worth of damage, hitting a tree stump, and admitting the whole thing to officers in his arrest. To Fulmer's credit, Colquitt earns the crack-the-whip momentum of the Vols' current streak of misbehavior in one of the stiffest Vol penalties we can remember: suspended for the first five games of '08 and stripped of his scholarship. It's three more points for the Vols, who aren't in the lead--that's Missouri, who should have 14 points on the board from tomorrow--but it's a terrifically strong showing for the Vols.

The cloned fourth Colquitt will have to step in for Britton. He should be out of the jar by May and ready.

Alabama pulls in a double felony charge on unspecified first-degree armed robbery charges for Jeremy Elder. First-degree armed robbery, under Alabama law:

Under state law, first-degree robbery involves either a "deadly weapon or dangerous instrument" or someone causing "serious physical injury to another." Both charges are Class A felonies.

The details could be juicy, but for now the blind-item charges get six points. Alabama may not claim their 32nd national title in the Fulmer Cup yet.

The Cocks get in on this with their first points of the season, and it's a natural: weed. A Cocks classic:

Authorities say LeCorn, 19-year-old USC wide receiver Matthew Clements, and another man, 18-year-old John Casselberry, were detained after authorities responded to a call of loud music from their car. Officers say they smelled marijuana inside.

It's always a great idea to turn up the music if you're going to be smoking weed in your car. Especially if you're a black teenager in South Carolina. Cops never, ever look for that. Nope.