Old coaches never die, they just go on to appear regularly on the Paul Finebaum show and take jobs that, in their heyday, they would have passed over like so many individual peas fallen from the feasting plate. Take the example of secretary-bangin' Mike Dubose: formerly Pope of the state of Alabama, he now coaches at Millsaps College in Jackson, Mississippi.
Yes, that Millsaps.
Take another pair of examples. First, Curley Hallman, a name that should have made every LSU fan reading this site power-vomit onto the person next to them. Hallman was successful at Southern Miss, and then helmed LSU during a dark, dark period from 1990-1994 where they lost every game they played by an average of FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND POINTS*. He then fell into the high school ranks until, lo and behold, a familiar message was delivered to Hallman last week.
Former LSU and Southern Miss coach Curley Hallman has resigned following his fourth consecutive losing season at Muscle Shoals High School.
Hallman, who resigned Monday, was 14-26 in four seasons at Muscle Shoals, finishing with a 4-6 record in 2007.
Superintendent Jeff Wooten said he told Hallman after the season that he "would recommend that he be relieved of his coaching duties."
Former Kentucky and Baylor coach Guy Morriss spared himself any possible Hallman comparisons by turning down a high school job in Boyle County, Kentucky he was allegedly set to take last week. Baylor fans got angry at us for suggesting Baylor kills coaches not named Grant Teaff dead, and we apologize for being so completely and egregiously wrong. He's turning down high school jobs! Hotcakes, people--get in line!
(This will all come back to us in ten years when we've got three kids, a mortgage, and are wondering if we can still apply to law school while writing copy for SkyMiles ads. Alexander the Inventor, call us--we'll need the work eventually.)
*Margin of error is...well, infinite on this one. Hallman was actually 16-28 at LSU.