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OFFSEASON PLAGUES, TYPE ONE: SPECIOUS SLANDERMONGERING!

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Psst! I'm bored!

Someone paid somebody because I swear a friend told his cousin that he saw him walking out of an office of a booster with truckloads of money! That's another fun side of the offseason, where all the free time begins to accumulate into piles of innuendo so thick you have to wonder if anyone can't keep their venerably corrupt programs straight anymore. (Really: what kind of a world is it when we can't just assume Bobby Lowder's paying the highest prices for recruits assume everyone's playing nice and fairsies? Geez, people.)

And it begins:

A Michigan booster has informed The Jock Rap.com that LSU head football coach Les Miles and the University could be facing an investigation into serious NCAA recruiting violations in the coming year. According to the source, violations were made during the last two recruiting seasons and stem from specific incidents allegedly taking place on the national college signing day over the past several years.

Of course they are. The NCAA's on the way. The Human Project's working to save humanity at this very moment. The Wizard will fix all of this. Really...when any source says that the NCAA is "about to pounce!" take this story and throw it in the nearest digital furnace, because the only thing the NCAA is ready to do is take a 90 minute lunch and file a few expense reports. You know, pretty much your standard afternoon.

Plus, don't you think that if Les Miles cheated, he'd do it in a ballsy kind of way, not the normal pansy skullduggery involving jobs and houses procured in parents' names? We envision him walking up just as a huge lineman gets ready to put on a USC hat, grabbing fistfuls of cash, and throwing at him until he picked up the LSU hat, screaming "Come join my damn fine football team! The power of Mr. Franklin compels you!" That's how Daddy Les-ticles would do it.