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THE ORANGE BOWL: THERE'S MAGIC THERE

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Comfortable with his body, and good for him for that.

Not that we're particularly affectionate towards any bowl game more than others, but something about the Orange Bowl leaves us a bit limp in the trousers. Kansas and Virginia Tech don't have any real animosity towards each other, no great historical rivalry to spice the matchup up a bit, and each side features zero players of not to make the casual observers' eyeballs pop a bit when you scan the roster.

(BUT BUT BUT!!! Yes, Todd Reesing is good (short) and talented (short), and Virginia Tech's defense features a guy named Macho. We know. Compare it with last night's Oklahoma/WVU game, and the wattage doesn't even come close, though. The day we get excited about Sean Glennon is the day we get really excited about Steve-O, since we have a sneaking suspicion they're actually th the same person. If you see Glennon snorting Wasabi pregame, just nod in our direction like we're a pimp of precognition.)

The one thing you can count on in the Orange Bowl (besides learning that neither of these teams will be able to run the ball on the other) is the halftime show. Lately they've been leaning on the Kelly Clarksons and Ashlee Simpsons of the world, a shame even if the Orange Bowl crowd booed her so loudly you could hear it on the live mikes. They put a tremendous amount of effort into it, which every average consumer of halftime entertainment shows their appreciation for by getting up and urinating before purchasing a beverage and sitting back down just in time to watch the cleanup.

This year's entertainment? ZZ Top.

Miami, Fla. (www.orangebowl.org) - Revered worldwide as "That Little Ol' Band from Texas," ZZ Top will be the major attraction during the renowned halftime of the 2008 FedEx Orange Bowl on January 3 at Dolphin Stadium. The “Tres Hombres” – Billy F Gibbons, Dusty Hill and Frank Beard (ironically the beardless member of the group) – collectively known as ZZ Top, have been signed to star in the famed Orange Bowl Halftime Show, one of the most entertaining and prestigious halftimes in all college football.

Personally, we'd rather watch the iguanas rain from the palm trees than watch ZZ Top two-step their way through "La Grange" in front of a half-empty stadium. In fact, we wish they'd just to back to the days where you had to bollocks up some sort of Vegasy fantasia complete with a theme, rhinestones, and magic tricks that went horribly wrong, leaving only silence and the lonely wail of a hot dog vendor to break the tension.

That Harry Blackstone! We bet he rolled in trim. Women were easier and more easily confused back then. If you don't believe us, consider that women believed George Michael was straight and went to the trouble of sleeping with him to prove it. Card tricks would have had women wearing nothing but Jean Nate in seconds, man, especially with a 'stache like that.

Leave your observations below, and enjoy the magic!