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HT: With Leather.

Neighbor: Jeez, Ted. That's quite a thing you got there.

Ted: Thanks. Man, isn't it awesome? It only cost four thousand dollars. It's amazing what you can get these days.

Neighbor: Oh, my.

Ted: I know! My daughter's teeth are totally fucked up. Like someone nailed a coral reef in her mouth. It's wild in there. But when an opportunity comes along like this one, you have to leap, right?

Neighbor: Oh, yeah. So, you're a huge CFL fan?

Ted: What? Holy shit, where the fuck do you breathe, man? That's an Ohio State Buckeye, man.

Neighbor: Oh, I'm sorry. I got confused there for a second. And you went to Michigan, right?

Ted: No way! Class of '92, THE Ohio State University. You have to say it that way.

Neighbor: Apologies. I just assumed as much, since a huge Buckeye that looks like he's taking a shit on someone's house should, metaphorically speaking, go above a Michigan fan's house.

Ted:! Just got that one! Nice!

Neighbor: No problem. Here's a court order saying to take it down in the next 36 hours before my children get rickets. We haven't seen the sun in three days.

Ted: Fuck.