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Navy wins syllable battle, loses game. Despite having a 10-7 halftime lead, a sympathetic Navy town crowd behind them, and a decisive advantage in the number of total syllables in their team name roster (Kaheaku-Enhada Niumatalolo!), Navy fell late to Utah in the Poinsettia Bowl, 35-32. Brian Johnson only began to play well after getting hammered in the third quarter. Johnson went 9-9 for 130 yards in the third, opening up a lead for Utah they clung to until the final bell. This all happened thanks to a fishy non-call by officials, who failed to rule a touchback on a play where Utah's Jerome Brooks lost the ball off the pylon and through the back of the endzone. Officials admitted the error in a statement released after the game, which made everyone completely happy and forget the whole thing over a couple of malts and order of fries down at the corner soda shop.

North Carolina players stumble into the most fucked-up afterschool special EVAR. Three North Carolina players followed two women and a man back from a night out in Chapel Hill only to stumble into a scene from a BET version of Pulp Fiction. The three players ended up being voluntarily tied up only to be robbed by a naked man with a knife and fondled by two women, who initially got permission from the bound players but then continued to fondle the players against their will, which leads us to a sexual assault charge thrown their way, too. The whole thing is nine plaid onions worth of crazy, but two salient details should be mentioned.

Exhibit A:

Lewis is accused of taking the contents of two wallets valued at $100, and trying to take $3,000 worth of computer and entertainment equipment. He is also accused of biting a police officer in the groin and pushing him down stairs to elude arrest, according to arrest warrants.

Exhibit B: The women who did the fondling and who, when asked to stop, began punching one of the players in the head. The one not named "Tnikia."

D'Angelo has fallen so, so very far.

HT: Brahsome.

Norm Chow has withdrawn himself from consideration in the UCLA coaching search, leaving the Bruins with Dewayne Walker and Rick chortle Neuheisel chortle as the top remaining candidates, though everyone from Temple's Al Golden to Oregon's Mike Bellotti remain in contention for the job. (Mike Bellotti's wife in L.A.! Now that's some fun right thurr!)

Deep South Sports has confirmed that this is no photoshop.

Alabama fans will have to drive past it on the way to their bowl game in Shreveport, thus adding insult to injury.

We will fight every single one of you in the Thunderdome to live down the humiliation of what we're about to admit, but a small, tender, and weepy part of us loves this song and always will because it, more than any other song, evokes Christmas for us. For dignity, you could choose Nat King Cole, or Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters...but as Florida fans who wear candy orange and sky blue to football games, dignity went out the window a great long time ago, sirs and madams.

Damn you and your magical teleporting box, Paul McCartney.

Notice that the first thing show in the video is some kind of hallucinatory graphic in the sky followed by a sign of people getting riotously drunk. We have several English friends, and based on their self-medicating regimens, this does NOT surprise us as being the first thing shown in an English Christmas video from the seventies.

That said, we'll be waiting in the Thunderdome with some wassail and figgy pudding for that ass. Brang it.