Name: The Poinsettia Bowl. Presumably monikered to evoke Christmas imagery, since the bowl all but admits in its name that it will be played forever before Christmas, and not with the respectable adult bowls with matured pairs of horns, descended testicles, and fully grown earflaps that all get to play after the Christmas. It'll just have to play on the outskirts and attempt to steal weak, sickly viewers like ourselves from the fray, since desperate, mainlining college football junkies will watch this just to stop the cruel spasms of withdrawal. Gimmeh. NOW. We'll eat a Poinsettia if you'll just let us watch a quarter.
Motto: No, we're not the Holiday Bowl.
Fake Bowl? As in, owned by ESPN? No. The Poinsettia Bowl is a homegrown San Diego product, just like crystal meth, and just as electrifying. We're exaggerating. Nothing's as energizing as crystal meth, though in the Poinsettia Bowl's defense the game will not steal your teeth, soul, and innocence like crystal meth will. So it's got that going for it.
Tickets left? Sure. Grab yourself a family pack and watch the game laying down across four seats if you like.
Intrusive Corporate Sponsor: The San Diego Credit Union strikes us as being too obvious a target, so check the sponsor's page and find the Viejas Casino, a local moneypit managed by the Viejas Indian tribe. There's all the glutton-fodder you'll find at most casinos (2-for-1 prime rib! Yayyyyy!), but the outstanding entertainment is really what gets our dander up in the best of ways:
Past performers include Chris Isaak, Pat Benatar, Chicago, Al Jarreau, Billy Idol, Julio Iglesias, Kenny G, David Sanborn, Earth Wind and Fire, Gipsy Kings, Heart, Randy Travis, Dwight Yoakam, LeAnn Rimes and many more.
The David Sanborn? Better avoid that show, as the searing riffs from the Lethal Weapon soundtracks will have us pulling the ampitheater off its foundations with our pickup truck while screaming "Your diplomatic immunity has just been revoked!" We may very well have that reaction anyway, since the additive effect of all that soft rock could trip you into a delusional state where you are convinced that you are about to have a tooth removed in a dentist's office. And no one could blame you for the violence at that point, both thanks to dental trauma and the anger MOR format music provokes in us all.
Tradition Rating: Around since 2005, so roughly comparable in tradition to...EDSBS, baby!
Setup: Mountain West runner-up versus free agent, though that's usually a military academy, as they've pulled Navy twice and Army once in the three years of their existence.
Location: San Diego. Anchorman jokes aside, it's nicer than anywhere you'll ever live, even if you already live in San Diego. Wrap the old mainframe around that, man.
Matchup quality: Entertaining: Navy will change little even though Paul Johnson's off to Georgia Tech, and will run polysyllabic wonder Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada and the triple option. Utah...okay, it's an hour to kickoff, and we don't know anything about Utah. Nothing. So tune in, because in all probability, you don't know anything, either. It'll be a big learning experience for us all!