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COACH EXCITE-O-PANTS IT ISN'T

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DOUBLE LATE UPDATE Yup. Totally done and official. It was in Wikipedia three minutes after Petrino called Blank at 5:45 p.m. to phone in his resignation, which must be some kind of internet sorcery. Jeff Schultz of the AJC calls Petrino "a quitter," and we're sort of inclined to agree, even with the biblical disasters that struck the Falcons this year--he didn't even finish out the damn string, the least any coach could do. They gave you four mil a year. The least you could do is finish the disaster out and then go instead of "blindsiding" your boss. Having been a bad employee for most of our our life, we can totally say with authority that this is beyond the pale, since we've never done it, and we suck. Just ask our employers.

We'll leave the rest of the post as evidence that, truly, no one knows anything. But all of that Will Muschamp shit? To hell with it. Bobby Petrino is the next head coach at Arkansas, according to John Clayton of ESPN. If true, the SEC just got even more horrifying. If not: ESPN's hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahariffic.

The whole thing would have had to have been hammered out in a matter of minutes over cellphones to happen and sketched out on the back of a napkin. Given the amount of money involved--3 million a year--we wouldn't have predicted that it would have happened any other way.

Ah, great to have a monster like Petrino in conference to go with Meyer, Fulmer, Tuberville, Miles, Saban, Spurrier, and Richt. Hey, anyone take the Michigan job yet? Anyone?

Will Muschamp, excitable defensive coordinator for the Auburn Tigers, will indeed likely be the next head coach at Arkansas. He's naturally going to be called Boom! Motherfucker for life, but we'll throw a few other possible nicknames out there just for the hell of it in a vain attempt to be family friendly, you thieving horde of goose-raping assholes.

--Coach Excite-o-pants

--Spanky the Indomitable

--Coach Mustyfist

--Mr. Babychimp

--Hyper-hypo.

UPDATE! We didn't mention that this is potentially a really, really good hire, and a bonus for us as Florida fans since we won't have to face a Muschamp defense every year now. We should have done that, so...um, yeah. It's potentially a really, really good hire.