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CURIOUS INDEX, 11/1/07

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d00d that iz eerie......Urban Meyer does look just like Bryan Hughes.

Texas/Nebraska featured a number of huge plays, but to hell with that shit. What you want in your football coverage is more voyeur cow porn, and that's precisely what you'll get if you follow the link and click on the video clip where ABC runs a shot of a cow's ass instead of the actual play unfolding on the field. (HT: Rob Pongetti, who breaks the whole thing down further in his review.) WOOOO cow flanks. If bovines ruled the world, that would be half the material on the internet, and sites like "hotheifer.com" would look a lot different than they do right now. The other half would still be penis enlargement ads and medications for the heartbreak of anaplasmosis and blackleg.

Your "Joe Paterno Might Retire Because He's Old" story of the day comes from the Philadelphia Inquirer, who attaches worth to the fact Paterno's contract is up at the end of the year for some reason, ignoring the fact that a.) there's no one out there in their right mind who would take the job right now, and b.) Joe Pa's done a better job revamping Penn State than, say for example, his septuagenarian younger Bobby Bowden. He won't die on the sidelines, either. We mean, he would...if he were alive. As it stands now, only a dedicated zombie hunter can keep Penn State from Paterno coaching Penn State in the 2076 GoogleSoft Fertility Bowl.

Michigan State fans are snowing under the Appalachian State t-shirt shop again in anticipation of Michigan's visit to East Lansing on Saturday. You know the old Bedouin saying: The enemy of my enemy is a D-1AA team that lost to the Wofford Terriers.

Colorado quarterback Cody Hawkins on Kansas fullback Brandon McAnderson quarterback Todd Reesing:

"If he weighs 200 pounds," Colorado quarterback Cody Hawkins said, "I'll give you my left foot."

Perhaps he's misquoted here, and is merely offering to purchase the inspirational Daniel Day-Lewis movie for the fullback in return for some healthy weight loss on his part. If that is the case, screw that--Day-Lewis is far cooler in Last of the Mohicans, where he beats one of cinema's grand barons of badass, Mogua, in a fight only after running three hundred miles through the mountains. We don't know what the hunk of blue metal Mogua wields is, but we want it on the wall next to our bottles of Charles Bronson's Mandom and the skull of Darnell Dockett.

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