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I throw for 400 yards, I call your defense poop. Chase Daniel, after throwing for 400 yards on Nebraska's defense in a 41-6 Missouri win against the Huskers, thinks your defense sucks, Kevin Cosgrove.

"Cosgrove's a very stubborn guy," said Daniel, who threw for 401 yards in a 41-6 Tiger win. "It's always been that way. . . . That's just how he is, that's how they are. They're a bunch of confident guys in what they do, and they felt they had the best chance doing that, so they stuck with it.

"You can't just play one defense the whole entire game," Daniel said. "That's like high school stuff."

BUUUUUUURRRRRRRNNNN!!! The article then mentions the most damning stat of all: it is the fourth straight game the Huskers have allowed 400 yards plus of offense. Actually, that's not completely accurate, since the Huskers actually allowed 600 yards of freakin' offense to Missouri. To make himself feel better, Christian Peter drove to Florida, punched Danny Wuerffel in the throat, and drove back home in one night.

Investigating and cleaning up with power towel promptly: Kansas State will investigate possible violations of rules and is cooperating fully with an NCAA investigation, according to the school. The allegations involve three former football players and one employee of the university, which has you all thinking what we're thinking: sex for grades, people. Sex for grades. Worked for us--how else does an enterprising young gentleman from Tennessee, barely equipped with the skills to read a Hardee's Menu, graduate magna cum laude from the University of Florida?

("I'd like the...uh...Tickburger?" "The Thickburger, you mean sir?" [cries] "I CAN'T READ WAAAAAHHHHH!!!" "That'll be $5.24, sir.")

Next message:TAAAIIIGAHHH BAAAIIIT!!! BEEP! Tim Tebow received "hundreds" of threatening cell phone messages before the LSU game. Tebow, while converting death row inmates to Christ and curing cancer with his tears, took the gamesmanship in stride.

After his first TD pass, Tebow pretended as if he had a cell phone in his left hand and dialed numbers with his right. He then put it up to his ear and stared into the stands at Tiger Stadium.

"They were having fun with me, so I was having fun with them, too," he said. "It's what college football is all about. It's just fun, and I had fun with it. I know it probably got under their skin a little bit."

The Messiahback forgives you, even though you know not what you do.

Nigella likes hairy men. We're sooooooo in. She also wears suspenders to bed with nothing else but a pair of high heels. Jesus, DC Trojan, you've ruined our productivity for the next week, sir.

Nigella likes hairy men. Huzzah.
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