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DAN HAWKINS HAS BLOG. WOW.

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In the fog of post-loss Monday blear, a shining motivational light shines through the blackness, a ray of motivational sunshine so blinding you can't help but stumble sightless with optimism into the black doom of the coming week. That light? Colorado coach Dan Hawkins' blog, which is everything you imagined it to be and more.

(NB: We actually have thought about doing a Hawkins parody blog, but have trashed the idea completely after reading the real thing. Again, stupid reality tops our wildest expectations. Stupid reality! Angry fist!)

A few choice excerpts should suffice. First, he's lyrical:

I knew we would win on Saturday. Why? Our guys had a body of work that they could draw from. Their experiences had given them what they needed to form the proper frame of mind. All that was needed was for us to go out and sing our song and do our dance! Dance we did.

Colorado football--it's like Showboat or Mamma Mia, but with jockstraps and concussions and stuff! The best trick play they ran all day was actually a Jerome Robbins number combined with a few nipped formations and shifts taken from the Boise State '04 playbook. JAZZHANDS 21 RETRO ZIP SLIDE DELTA HUT HUT HUT!!!

Speaking of ABBA: Hawkins knows his Swedish pop, too. But this didn't surprise you.

It's a big sacrifice. Especially because they wore this.

Took my wife to Red Rocks on Thursday night to see ABBA. Why? Well, it was for her birthday. Now, I love music, but I can say I’m not much of an ABBA guy, but my wife is. You stay married for 25 years by making sacrifices for each other.

Sitting through an ABBA concert is an admirable sacrifice, except for "Fernando." Everyone should love "Fernando;" it's Swedes singing rhapsodically in phonetic English about the Mexican Revolution. Very little trumps that in the mindfuck department.

And he's not done, this time, it's pure motivational speech for you, reader:

My point? Good things happen to good people, quit trying to win and just be a winner, focus on the process not the product, and as Coach Hurdle says, "Just keep pumping the pump."

This also happens to be the motto of several adult sites we're fond of, of course. Read the whole thing, of course--Hawkins has to be writing this himself, though if he'd like to subcontract to have us ghostwrite the whole thing, we'll do it for free, though it wouldn't be half as good. Pulling out Og Mandino quotes? That's some pro shit right there. (HT: Matt.)