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You threaten us by saying this is a lame weekend of college football. You should have chosen your words more carefully, Persian, especially when the Michigan State/Notre Dame game put an image in our heads so sublimely weird, so stupid and puerile, so magnificent, we could only entrust it to the Paganini of Photoshop, the Mozart of Modified Images, the one and only...Mr2Cents.

THIS...IS...SPARTAAAAAA!!!!!!! Uh...

Fuck. We're gonna need a bigger bottomless pit, Leonidas. Always with the armor, and the swords, and the beard trimmers, and the body wax, and the ab roller. Seriously--has anyone ever used that thing without chipping a tooth? Sure, I'm the one like, "Hey, have you noticed how puny our pit's been looking lately?" But noooooooo, you're all like "It's still bottomless, isn't it? I'm late for Pilates, now get out of my way." Well who's laughing now, circuit boy, huh? Huh?