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NIGHTMARE FUEL, ALABAMA STYLE

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Jane: Wow, Ted, there's so much more to Alabama than I suspected.

Thad: I know. Our friends in Boston have no idea what they're missing. Can you believe what we get for $2500 a month down here? And no rats, easy winters, and Red Sox games on pay-per-view.

Jane: It's better than I could have imagined. They even have NPR!

Terry "Sexface" Gross

Thad: I know. I love Terry Gross.

Jane: Me, too. She's so good.

Thad: She's great.

Jane: She's wonderful.

Thad: I would totally fuck her in the face.

Jane: Me, too!

Thad. (Pauses.) ...and now we're at our first southern football game!

Jane: I know! So glad we decided to do this instead of going to that abandoned cabin in the woods everyone says is cursed.

Thad: Or to that seemingly idyllic beach in Central America where six tourists disappeared.

Jane: Or investigated that glowing green light in the field next door to our house.

Thad: Oh, we'll check that out later, honey.

Jane: Oh boy!

Thad: Honey, is that the stadium?

Jane: Yes! How colorful!

Thad: (with dread) Oh, god. What is that?

Jane: AIIIIIIIGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Thad: RUN! RUN, DAMMIT, RUN!!!

Thad: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME CLOWNBEASTMAN!?!?!?

Fan: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLL TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHDDDE!!!!

Jane: He's not even speaking English? What the fuck does that mean?

Thad: Wait, he's turning around....MY GOD!!!!!

Jane:It's a picture of a purple zombie in a hat. AAAAIIIIIIGGGGHHHHH!!!

Thad: Run, Jane. Don't look back.

Jane: Call Southwest! I want my 800 sq. foot apartment back now!!!

Fan: They looked like Vandy fans, don't you think?

Fan2: Sure did.

(Big HT to Jody G. for the pics.)