The fallout from the Great Kittening continues for Michigan as the Wolverines drop completely from the AP and Coaches’ Poll. Michigan fell from 5 to unranked in both the coaches’ poll and in the AP poll. There were dissenters: one coach voted Michigan as high as tenth (Carr?) while Wayne Phillips of the Greenville Tennessee Sun went obstinately contrarian by putting them at 16 because…

“…Michigan has a good football team,” he said. “I think they’re worthy of being ranked. They may prove me wrong.”

Quote him! Florida State also slinks from the ranks of the ranked with their rank offensive performance at Clemson Monday night. USC remains 1-2 with LSU, with Florida looking glaringly overranked at 3.

Also, Cal didn’t get quite the bounce they should have out of their victory over Tennessee, meaning everyone else is just as confused as we are as to whether Tennessee’s got defensive arthritis as badly as we think they do, or whether Cal’s o-line is just that good. Either way, Cal brought them to their knees, which we blame on Clay Travis’ banner cursing the whole thing.

Jane: Wow, Ted, there’s so much more to Alabama than I suspected.

Thad: I know. Our friends in Boston have no idea what they’re missing. Can you believe what we get for $2500 a month down here? And no rats, easy winters, and Red Sox games on pay-per-view.

Jane: It’s better than I could have imagined. They even have NPR!

Thad: I know. I love Terry Gross.

Jane: Me, too. She’s so good.

Thad: She’s great.

Jane: She’s wonderful.

Thad: I would totally fuck her in the face.

Jane: Me, too!

Thad. (Pauses.) …and now we’re at our first southern football game!

Jane: I know! So glad we decided to do this instead of going to that abandoned cabin in the woods everyone says is cursed.

Thad: Or to that seemingly idyllic beach in Central America where six tourists disappeared.

Jane: Or investigated that glowing green light in the field next door to our house.

Thad: Oh, we’ll check that out later, honey.

Jane: Oh boy!

Thad: Honey, is that the stadium?

Jane: Yes! How colorful!

Thad: (with dread) Oh, god. What is that?

Jane: AIIIIIIIGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

(more…)

Orson and guest editor Hannibal Montegna review the Squawk Box for the week that was week one. Hold onto your 401Ks.

BUY! BUY! BUY!

Orson’s Buys

Washington All comments must be prefaced with this: it’s Syracuse. It’s Syracuse. Oh, my god, it’s one game against Syracuse, the worst fucking team in the Big East who quit in the third quarter, wear uniforms nicked off some dismal post-Soviet collapse Yeltsin-era Russian soccer squad, and have turned the Carrier Dome into the most horrifying and bewildering indoor environment since the Superdome during Katrina. You can just hear the motivational tapes playing in Greg Robinson’s head: EXCELSIOR!!! CONFIDENCE!!! POISE!!! EXCELLENCE IS THE PRODUCT OF PREPARATION PLUS SHIT DID THEY JUST SCORE AGAIN…

Yet: Washington has sneakily adopted a spread offense to fit the talents of Jake Locker, a verdant but phenomenally talented freshman qb, and the 4.3 speedster Louis Rankin. Waggishly labeled the “spread coast” offense, Washington’s simplifying the attack has leveled the playing field for the nation’s toughest schedule. You get no data from a matchup with the Syracuse offense–even if they’ve quadrupled the wack factor of the Orange attack by adding the quick kick and the pistol formation to the mess–but the offense alone gives some shred of hope for the Huskies, especially since Locker showed signs of passing competence, too.

(USC, Oregon, Ohio State, and Cal all play at Washington. One of these teams is losing up there. It’s a brave new world–evolve or die!)

Michigan. Do you like value, investor? (more…)

That someone out there watching the Va. Tech game, in the midst of all that solemnity and ceremony, that genuine sorrow mixed with the exultation of a community coming together, could still see one tiny gesture, isolate it on video, and combine it with a cheap sound effect…well, we salute you, American Awesomeman. We’ve laughed all morning at this like the giggly schoolgirl we really are underneath all this raw, unadorned, and well-padded sexiness.