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HYPERACTIVE MIDGETS LUV MICHIGAN STATE

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If your quirk factors registers somewhere around the Crispin Glover range and you're an offensive player, you're likely a quarterback. If you're playing for the Spartan, kickin'-bitches-down-wells division of football, i.e. the defense, and you're flush with vitamin Q, then you likely end up at linebacker, where generations of hyped-up loonery has found a home smashing skulls. If you do not believe this, consider the classic clip of a young Dick Butkus saying these words in Crunch Course, a video that did as much to mold our personality and philosophy as either parent did.

I want to hit someone so hard their head comes off. You know, kind of like in that movie Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte, where the head comes rolling down the stairs? That scene kind of got into my head.

Ring one more entrant into the bizarro fraternity of eccentric linebackers: Michigan State's Jon Misch, a 200 pounder at strong side linebacker. That's 200 pounds, which you might weigh, dear reader, playing at strong side linebacker in the Big Televen and running through tight end blocks if he's lucky, and defensive ends and worse if he's not. When you're weird by weight already, you're a special variant of strange.

Jon Misch is sorry he killed your brother.

Misch deepens the strange, however, with the bio: he's got a 137 IQ, is a diagnosed hyperactive, plays classical piano, was originally recruited as a defensive end, eschews sports shows for Mythbusters, and has a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. Brian from MGo has dubbed him the "Samurai," which is a bit of a misnomer considering Tae Kwon Do is Korean. Therefore, in honor of a fellow AD/HD type, we'll dub him "Best of the Best," after our favorite (and really the only) Tae Kwon Do movie from the golden age of martial-arts-specific action movies.

We reserve the right to use the name "Gymkata" for another player to be named later. (BTW, check out Brian's outstanding Michigan State preview while you're at it. Bart Connor would approve.)