In keeping with our recent fascination with Yacht Rock, we award the Mustache of the Day to mellow tunester John Oates, whose fine ’stache is seen in all of its glory here in the atrocious “Private Eyes” video.
There’s much worse, by the way, in the H’nO oeuvre. Much worse.
The engineers who have replaced the engineers who replaced the engineers have been sacked, and replaced with yet another squad of engineers. We’ve had a bit of a hiccup here in the servers, and we suspect it’s due to traffic-this past month, the offseason mind you, has been the biggest in EDSBS history, and it’s straining our RAM like Darren McFadden charging through a helpless linebacking corps.
So we bought a bit more RAM from the helpful folks at GoDaddy. They’ll be putting it in between 4:00 a.m and 6:00 a.m. tomorrow, a great time for sticking new things into holes stretched to their limit.
In the meantime, if the site refuses to load, just click refresh a few times and it should pop up. It also means light posting for the remainder of the day, so we’ll mention these before we go.
-SMQ sums up [NAME REDACTED]’s quote that Joe Paterno “has forgotten more football than most of us know“ beautifully.
Emphasis mine, because, gosh, there are so many layers of nerve-bearing truth in that statement, so much more brutal honesty than Zook could have possibly intended…the mind, it boggles…
-In other Big Ten media news, the preview of the Big Ten Network’s content was “disastrous” according to a source of ours of reasonable credibility. Whenever they’re ready to get some real programming and put EDSBS Live: The Television Show on, we’re ready.
-And at Indiana, quarterback Blake Powers threw a water balloon at bystander. And true to script…we allow the deathless prose of the Indiana Daily Student to tell the rest of the story:
Once the vehicle stopped, Wampler got out of his car and approached the Jeep and heard one of the males say, “It’s a cop,†Minger said.
IUPD Officer Garth Van Leeuwen, who had also just finished the same 3 to 11 p.m. shift, saw Wampler turn his vehicle around. He followed Wampler, in another personal, unmarked vehicle.
When Van Leeuwen arrived at the scene, he and Wampler advised all four men to step out of the vehicle. Van Leeuwen then told the men they hit Wampler with the water balloon. The men apologized to Van Leeuwen maintaining that they did not realize they were throwing the water balloon at a police officer, Minger said.
You never do realize it’s a cop, do you? Until they’ve caught you there, naked, smoking meth, doing unspeakable things for money. Oh, and then they come in, all high and mighty. Well, fuck them in the ear. Like they haven’t ever earned the rent as a private dancer for an Arab sheikh with a penchant for schlubby white guys? Assholes.
-The mustache will be up later. Other than that, we’ll see you tomorrow.
Fuzzy WTPE logo fades from the screen. The scene changes to a seated Dennis Erickson, cigarette in one hand, tumbler filled with ice and brown liquid in the other. He is wearing white Bermuda shorts, a Hawaiian shirt, and boat shoes. He sits just to the right of center screen. A table and an empty chair sit opposite him.
He speaks.
Dennis Erickson: What’s happening, bros? Brosephs? Ho-sephs, for all the ladies out there. Coach E here, and I want to welcome you to the coolest corner of Arizona State television, the Dennis Erickson Show. It’s called that because the host is me, Dennis E. But you can call me DE, since that’s what all the brothers on the team call me.
I dated a black chick once. She stabbed her next boyfriend. When you got it like that, that happens. I’m smooth and breezy like sipping a pina colada on a pontoon boat on the lake on a Sunday afternoon. Or better yet-Wednesday afternoon.
Anyway, we’re here to rap about Arizona State football. (more…)
Nyan Boateng was a VHT who flamed out of the Florida program after accomplishing the following things:
1. Causing reporters to guffaw when he claimed he ran a 4.1 40 yard dash.
2. Not outplaying Kenneth Tookes for the fifth spot on the Gators ‘05 roster.
3. Getting stabbed in the leg by his girlfriend during a lovers’ quarrel.
With that esteemed resume, Boateng transferred to Cal, but still made a cameo appearance back in Gainesville for one final hurrah-and what a hurrah it was:
According to Gainesville police Sgt. Chuck Reddick, Boateng attempted to enter the home of his former girlfriend early Thursday. When she refused to let him in, Boateng kicked in the door and entered anyway.
No one will ever love you like I will! NO ONE! A FELONY WILL WIN YOU BACK FOR SURE!!! Boateng has been suspended by Jeff Tedford pending the outcome of the case. If this is the same girlfriend that stabbed him in the leg, then Boateng has been put under the spell of a truly wondrous magic vagina. That’s the only possible explanation for this, since if we got stabbed by a woman, we’d…well, we proposed, actually. Call this glass house shattered if you please.
Three points for the burglary, two points for the battery, and one point for the criminal mischief gets Cal six points that mercifully did not end up on Florida’s tab.
Hat tip to reader Joshua for today’s Daily Affirmation. In 31 days, we will all have to choose sides. Choose wisely, sailor.
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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