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Alabama, whose players had been too busy for this shit during spring practice, picks up some minor but always entertaining criminal mischief points for an incident at The Legacy nightclub in Tuscaloosa.

The Legacy advertises itself as "known for it's great atmosphere, amazing live entertainment, and the best staff you'll ever meet." All three--in addition to the completely unique beer lights and multiple televisions, unseen in any other college bar anywhere--must have been irresistible for Alabama football player Brandon Deadrick, who refused to leave the establishment Saturday night and was booked for criminal mischief, resisting arrest and giving a false name.

Sir, I cannot leave your establishment. It transfixes us.

(Again, note to legal authorities around the nation: please, please start reporting the fake names, since we just make up fake fake names in our head when stories like this happen. Today's fake name bets: Hank Towardsbottom, Elrod Cummerbund, and B.Y. Youngsfanger. )

Roy Upchurch, another Bama player, was also arrested, though we're not quite sure of the charges. For the moment Bama cleans up with a three-spot for Deadrick, and a blanket one pointer for Upchurch's arrest until we figure out the charges, thus totalling a four-pointer for Bama.

A dilemma, though: if Alabama football players corner and pummel Mike "I have a Ph.D. in Awesome Sex and Sportswriting from the University of Delaware" Freeman for dubbing Alabama the dirtiest program of all time, do we award points for the assault? And how many comments until the inevitable Auburn/Alabama threadjack, since they now can bond in a queasy front against a common enemy as Freeman also tagged Auburn as the second dirtiest program ever?

UPDATE: Your specious, potentially not-true-at-all internet account makes this seem much more mischievous than the newspaper account does:

I was on the strip Friday and Upchurch and Deaderick, and three other assumed football players I didn't recognize, tried getting some underage girls into the Legacy. They got in an arguement (sic) and subsequent fight with the bouncers over it and UAPD and TPD responded. A big fight with the 5 players and the police went down. Upchurch and Deaderick got taken in by TPD and the other three were hauled in by UAPD. Deaderick head-butted the back window out of the patrol car and had to be maced by the cops to get him under control. Why isn't this on the news or in the papers?

Because it's interesting, that's why. And, you know, possibly untrue. (HT: Will.)