In West Fuckin' Virginia, rest assured that fullback Owen Schmitt was NOT the one shot in this incident involving a wild and wonderful resident of the state on Sunday morning at 4:20 a.m.:
Michael Lusher of Huntington, West Virginia was asleep yesterday morning when a bullet hit him in the head. He woke up four hours later surprised to see blood dripping from his skull.
Lusher was fine, but he did bleed and go to the hospital. That's how you know it wasn't WVU fullback Schmitt, whose titanium skull would have deflected the bullet directly back into the weak-ass rabbit-stabber of a gun it came from, destroying the weapon and severely injuring the no-doubt ass-drunk rifleman.
Like Lusher, though, we doubt Schmitt would have woken up. That would be letting the bullet win.
Schmitt: laughs at your "bleeding."
Read Feldman's bit on Schmitt if you don't already have a mancrush on the guy. (in$ider stuff.)