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Texas Longhorns reserve safety Robert Joseph (name: Ricky Bobby Category, strength rating 6 on Cuddles Swindle Name Scale) had the kind of fun normally reserved for merry alcoholics by stealing cars from the parking garage of the Omni Hotel in Austin, Texas this weekend. Or perhaps we should say he half-stole cars:

According to the report, an off-duty APD officer working a security detail got a report of someone banging on cars in the parking garage. Upon investigation, the officer found Joseph sitting in a car that did not belong to him. Joseph initially told the cop that the car belonged to a friend of his...
A little later, the officer heard the sounds of another car alarm..and found Joseph sitting in a different vehicle. Joseph then told the cop that he was breaking into cars to get away from someone who attacked him on 6th street at a club.

Sometimes, you just have to break into a car: Robert Joseph, Texas Longhorns reserve.

Ah, the safety of a Toyota Nissan Altima--it can survive nuclear blasts, much less the assault of a drunken clubgoer on your person. (We blame Vegas for the error!--ed.) Joseph has already enjoyed the thrill of half-stealing cars, but he will be assigned full Fulmer Cup points for himself and his team, the Texas Longhorns: three points per charge of a burglary of a vehicle totalling a sum of six points for Texas.