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Congratulations! Police are very interested in speaking with you. In case you wondered, this is not a good thing, which means the congratulations was completely ironic. Chances are this whole thing will suck very much badly for you, LSU football player Chris Mitchell, since at the least you'll spend a tense couple of hours sweating out police questioning in a Louisiana police office. And if that's not on your list of things to avoid going through in this lifetime, it damn well should be on it.

Acknowledging they have more questions than answers, Jefferson Parish sheriff’s officials said Tuesday they are eager to speak with LSU football player Chris Mitchell about a weekend drive-by shooting and gunfight outside a popular but controversial Metairie nightclub.

The Sunday morning melee outside Kenny’s Key West in Fat City left two men wounded, 50 bullet casings and a few live rounds in the club’s parking lot and surrounding blocks.

Fifty bullet casings? FIFTY? Archenemies don't have fifty bullets worth of hate attached to them, much less anyone hanging out at "Kenny's Key West" in Fat City. Some John Woo movies haven't featured the firing of fifty bullets. (Completely false. That's usually the first ten minutes, including peaceful exposition scene.) Like a John Woo movie, whoever fired all those bullets likely did it with a 9mm handgun. Gun nuts, remind us--does that mean this person reloaded? Several times?

Even Chow-Yun Fat Thinks you're being excessive.

Mitchell isn't charged in the case, but police have hit a dead end in their investigation, and know Mitchell was there at the time of the shooting. This could be because no one at the scene is "snitching," and thus allowing someone who discharged up to fifty rounds in public indiscriminately to walk around eating sandwiches. That is so completely and totally cool of all of them! YAY SNITCHES GET STITCHES!