This week's update needs some updating itself--therefore find updates and errors after the big board.
Corrections, updates, and errata:
Errbuddy in da car gettin' tipsy! USC safety Josh Pinkard, last seen "failing to tackle Vince Young," as Signal to Noise so eloquently put it, whiffs on a tackle at sobriety during a very key roadside encounter with a police officer. And again, it comes at a very critical time, as in during the middle of a breathalyzer test.
Pinkard's DUI arrest occurred on May 18 at 3:44 a.m., giving further credence to the idea that if you are in the public eye and out at three in the morning, you should probably get your ass home as soon as possible. Unless, of course, you're out with Peter O'Toole having ONE HUNDRED COCKTAILS and preparing to steal a train. If this is the case, please proceed with all due speed.
I stole a train with Albert Finney.
Two Fulmer Cup points for standard DUI, though we reserve the right to award bonus points for Pinkard's BAC total if it approaches Lohan/Yeltsin territory.
Florida cornerback gives a boot the boot. What Peter O'Toole is to drinks, we were to parking tickets during our term at the University of Florida. Occasionally we feel a tickle in the back of our throat; after a vigorous series of coughs, a vintage 1995 UPD parking ticket floats from the sky. The now-defunct '89 Ford Escort station wagon that made it through three years of our outright negligence was festooned with the little yellow blessings on an hourly basis, impounded, booted, towed, and on one occasion experienced a near miss from an RPG employed by UPD to take care of particularly noxious offenders like ourselves.
But for the water, we probably would have parked on Lake Alice.
Florida corner Dorian Munroe might be the official player of Orson Swindle for the 2007 season, since he's following in the grand tradition of funding the college educations of UPD officers singlehandedly by racking up enough tickets to get his car booted on campus. This presents no problem if you don't take the boot off and stick it in your trunk, as Munroe did, prompting a police summons to UPD offices on May 22nd where Munroe admitted removing the boot and gave it back to the officers.
The real problem comes with the 3rd degree felony charge accompanying the theft of anything between $300 and 5,000 in value. Munroe actually went to the county jail for this, and will have to find a way to avoid a felony charge sticking to his record.
Two points for the whole thing, what with the felony charges and all. At least they didn't use the RPG on you, Munroe. Those Blackwater contractors are merciless in "eliminating the parking problem through any means necessary."
You will park in the orange 3 lot only, sir, or face consequences of an extreme nature.