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MMM...PIG: FIU BUYS OFF FANS WITH PORK.

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Florida International University has in its brief football history accomplished one thing: fielding the baddest ass brawler ever, the indomitable A'Mod Ned, who took the field in the middle of the 2006 Lamar Thomas Invitational Brawl on crutches to get his teammate's back.

Florida International has now added a new line to their resume as a program of esteem and worth: putting on the greatest single spread of pork seen in South Florida since Connie Mack the third was in office. From El Herald:

The ambience -- which included complimentary food featuring six roasted pigs, a sale of retro FIU athletic uniforms and gear and the unveiling of the new football stadium design -- didn't disappoint the crowd.

''I have never seen an atmosphere like this at any previous FIU event with the exception of the inaugural football game in 2002,'' FIU radio broadcaster Jerry Del Castillo said. ``These fans are really soaking up the changes to this football program.''

Hold on...let's crack out the red pen, Deadspin commenter-style.

"'These fans are really soaking up the changes to this football program all the greasy, delicious, heart-destroying porkfat they possibly can in 25 minutes without foundering like sick mules.'"

There! So much better, and likely more accurate. Free pig and all, FIU turned out just 2,500 for their spring scrimmage, approximately the same number as those who volunteered to die if necessary to make Nick Saban the next governor of Alabama that same afternoon on Saturday in Tuscaloosa, bayonets and tear gas be damned.