We leave bright and squeaky early tomorrow for the Orange and Blue game. Your weekend assignments:

1. Tell us what Houston Nutt’s text messages said. This will be of use to us.

2. Email us if you’re actually going to be in Gainesville and want to meet us in the singular, correct-pronoun-using flesh.

3. Read us over on Kissing Suzy Kolber’s Mock Draft. Our topic: Movie deaths we’d choose as our own. Hudson, you won our hearts at a young age. Game over, man. Game over.

4. Say hello to cheescake, aka Juliana Moreira. (more…)

Game Daily has a blurb or two on NCAA 2008: It’s like Madden, but with a built-in fumble button. This new wrinkles to come in ’08’s iteration of the game that makes us frightened of looking at the “hours played” menu on our XBox, followed by our suggested improvements.

It’s time to let your inner sex cannon out: NCAA 2008 is on the way.

-This year’s edition includes a “psychological factor.” Score a touchdown, everyone gets points for being happy. Fumble on the one, and your team goes up in flames like a Spanish religious effigy.

Improvements: Bonuses should include points for injuring opponents’ qb, decking mascot, or wasting coach on a tackle and spinning him stumbling into the bench. Since you can do this on every play anyway, you might as well build it into the incentives system.

Bonuses should also include: impregnating teammate’s girlfriend on the low, earning unsportsmanlike conduct penalties (sure sign of a winner,) and successfully running fake punt for a td on first down.

Negative points for impregnating teammate’s girlfriend and being caught, allowing camera to catch you shaking out cobwebs, and performing opponent’s signature cheer mockingly to camera. (This should actually guarantee a loss, judging from our studies.)

We’d also tag points for a player being a total and irredeemable dick. If he’s on your team, everyone loses points. If he’s on the other team, everyone gains points for hitting him. Florida fans will identify this as the “Doug Johnson Rule,” and the rating will appear as “DF” under the rankings for “Dick Factor.”

Dick Factor: 93, thank you very much.

-NCAA’s revamped career mode — also called Campus Legend mode — makes a comeback this year, letting gamers create a player and start building their skills in four rounds of high school football, Friday Night Lights-style. Perform well, and get recruited to play football at a top college.

Suggestions: If the menu doesn’t include “rob liquor store” or “run a train on an underage girl,” then EA is already counting the Marcus Vick fans of the world out of the purchasing audience. We cry foul if they’re not menu options in this stage. (more…)

Blogtoberfest-the best party you won’t end up treating with antibiotics…probably.

Love has stepped on both of these people with a hobnailed boot. Larry Munson is the sole property of the Georgia Bulldogs we envy openly and shamelessly, an announcer with just a pinch of Minnesota nose to him who sounds like an ages old tortoise sipping whiskey while broadcasting the game from somewhere deep inside Mammoth Cave. He’s a national treasure, he broadcasts Georgia football, and the combination of the two facts is proof that God blesses even the wretchedest on this planet with something good and pure.

Paul brings us the news and audio behind someone paying Munson to do a voiceover for their wedding. Personally, we think given the divine desperation Munson can summon up in his best moments, his narration of a divorce would be even better.

For the uninitiated, here’s a compilation of Munson’s finest lunacy. Even with all that blasted, scabrous red all over the screen, it’s still run-flat awesome. OH MY GOD A TOUCHDOWN MY GOD A TOUCHDOWN-even the teetotalingest finger-wagging Baptist forgave him for that, which you may see around the 2:07 mark.

NCAA officially files their mea culpa. Rule 3-2-5-e, which suffered a severe aneurysm in March, gets the official DNR order signed and approved by the NCAA. Spit on the ground twice in its memory.

Way more effective than that old ‘G’ Formation. It’s the offseason-help yourself to a little football history as Corn Nation examines the history of the wacky ‘T’ Formation. Not explained in the article: why the hell the Seahawks have it in Madden.

SMQ is Jacob wrestling the angel, and you’re not even watching. Sunday Morning Quarterback is rolling through every team in the land again and you’re not even paying attention. You owe him makeup sex, a nice bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, and at least two romantic comedies for your negligence. And no, The 13th Warrior is not a romantic comedy, even if we told you it was. (Because nothing gets us in the mood like Viking Death,, but we’re not normal.)

Best. Shirts. Ever. Take sporting debate on the road with you with Dan Shanoff’s stellar array of Gator/Duke debate shirts. Or, if you’re less inclined to debate, you could just wear one of ours (click to go to the shop and buy, say, thirty of them for your friends:)

Tang still double-entendre funny! Gravity pulls down! And Nick Saban? Still a raving asshole to everyone and anyone around him. He’d try to talk to you a bit about this, but he hasn’t got time for this shit, even if he made time later to make time for this shit.

An anonymous tipster who did get a peek in Saban’s practices though says the coach is livid with the front seven’s lack of…well, just general lackness. But how could that be? You hired a coach who is the son of a great coach? Greatness is genetic! Look at Freddie Prinze Jr. if you don’t believe us, or Robin Thicke.

Again, repetition is the key to communication again. Pete Carroll: again, not going anywhere. Ever. For any reason. Except he’s got to stop by Whole Foods for some Newman-O’s, because they’re the best organic cookies everywhere. If you need him, he’s taking the golden unicycle.

Fuck your couch, Ed Orgeron. Via the Wiz, the best walkoff decision we’ve ever seen comes from Cliff Davis, now former backup qb at Ole Miss:

“I gave it up since they didn’t put me in the damn game,” Davis said Monday in a telephone interview. “Fed up. Football’s not paying my damn bills, so it’s time to get my education, join the working world.”

Davis left the game early in the fourth quarter, walked into the locker room, and then walked out of football for good. Coach Ed Orgeron was so shocked he didn’t even burn his house down in retaliation for his disloyalty.

Nigella Lawson: We’d still ride it like the MARTA. Cheesecake is coming, but we’d like to reiterate that Nigella may still use us for medical experiments any day of the week.

The Aqua Teen Movie is here. We’re too consumed by the idea to really consider anything else, since ATHF is the dominant, generation defining work of our time, a slice of the zeitgeist: chickens on fire, molestation jokes, occult references, random surrealist violence, Chechen prostitutes, cameo appearances by Geddy Lee and Bruce Campbell…it’s a like a semantic geek Olympics playing out before your eyes.

The creators have been jerking around the public by publishing false endings with dialogue like “After high school, I never returned to Blood Mountain…but I carry it with me. In my heart. In heart.” We’re counting the minutes ’til we can leave work, purchase tickets, and enjoy our 83 minutes of brain Drano exposure.

Addendum: Joey’s got the thorough link guide for n00bs here.