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Again: Mike Leach lives every week like it's Shark Week. Those moments in the day when you hem and haw, wondering if what you're about to do will make someone awkward, violate an invisible social boundary, or possibly get fired...those simply don't exist for the man.

The latest example of why you live life like a mincing ninny comes courtesy of the Fanhouse:

I'm a Bill O'Reilly fan. I listen to a lot of talk radio. G. Gordon Liddy. Rush Limbaugh. Sean Hannity. I like G. Gordon Liddy. I got Leach that Stacked and Packed Calendar. G. Gordon Liddy puts out this calendar. It's women in bathing suits holding guns. He talked about it; I figured he'd want it. Maybe that's why he put me on scholarship.''

Ladies with guns=hott. Ladies with guns and burqa=hotttttter.

Ladies with guns=scholarship? There's nothing there to really support it other than the supposition of an 18 year old who "listen(s) to a lot of talk radio." This does not present the best case. However, we want it to be true, because it would be so much funnier if it were.

Therefore we proclaim that Mike Leach traded gun 'n babe cheesecake calendarage for a scholarship. Just try and take down the pirate, NCAA!!! You don't have the balls to take Captain Mike down, Myles Brand. Just try it and see--after all, he's now got a recruit with "an undisclosed number of firearms" in his custody.

Wait a did he get away from us? Sending Urban email immediately--we have to maintain our status as college football's most ardent defender of the 2nd amendment. We'll fight for that prize, and you'll have to take it from our cold, dead hands, pirate. From our cold, dead hands.