clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

YOU MAY BE PART OF AN IMPORTANT CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT

New, 24 comments

Hello, citizens. Attorney Ken Terwiliger here. Know the picture, because it's the face of justice and affordable personal injury litigation for most of central Georgia.

Others may just say this, but I'm looking out for you. Really, I am. I'm just waiting for you to come through that door and get your share of the money the NCAA owes you via this huge and very important class action lawsuit we've filed against them. (See this leather chair? It squeaks with the sound of affluence. Those books? I've read almost some of them.)

Seems someone decided to pay athletes less than they were worth across the board, which is just plain wrong, specifically underpaying exactly 11,500 athletes by precisely $2,500 each* in the delivery of their scholarships. What's that equal in total? Well, I didn't major in math, friend, but my sources tell me it's over FIFTY BILLION** when you work it all out.

Your share could turn injustice into some of the things you've undoubtedly dreamed about! A chair made of pure platinum...ringside wrestling tickets...your very own "crib" on the moon...

all of it could be yours with your share of the settlement against the NCAA! Call me now to hear more about it and our future class-action lawsuits, including but not limited to:

--Notre Dame fans seeking compensation against Messrs. Davie and Willingham for robbing them of greatness, a quantity valued in cash at up to hundreds of dollars a person!!!

--Alabama fans suing Death and Associates for robbing them of the best coach ever born, Paul Bear Bryant.

--A very exciting international lawsuit with millions and potentially BILLIONS of plaintiffs against humanity's one common enemy: the relentless, unwanted, and cancer-spreading SUN.


Join us in making that bastard pay.

Get what life has taken away from you now. Get on board, citizen. Call now!

*Numbers courtesy of DeClunis Economic Consultants, Ltx.
**Margin of error= ~$4.97 billion or so.