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THIS...THIS CAN'T BE REAL. PLEASE.

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While you're thanking your lucky stars you didn't take that job to coach the Pakistani cricket team...please tell us this isn't real. Because we know it has to be, and that Alabama fans would do this, and that newspapers try to tell only small lies and not egregious, fifty-ton whoppers like this would be.

The Witts of Hartselle (AL) named their first child, who is 23 months old, Tyde Timothy Witt. He's already attended several Alabama football games.

The family will introduce Saban Witt to tailgating and to the Tide nation when Alabama plays Florida State on Sept. 29 at Alltel Stadium in Jacksonville, Fla.


Tyde and Saban. Reality beats us to satire again.

You can name pets after coaches--but children? When the whole Martha Stewart "pet chicken fad" took off, we named a chicken after [NAME REDACTED.] Just like its namesake, it ran around all the time, pecking at nothing in particular and wasting precious energy in between constant crowing for no reason. It accomplished nothing, and yet acted like it owned the yard. One day we broke its neck, fried it, and ate it.

We really, really hope that's not going to be case with this kid if Saban flops at Bama. The hat tip here goes, unsuprisingly, to AUAlum. He has no ulterior motive for finding stories making Bama fans look insane. Nope. Absolutely none.