We cheat somewhat by mixing a video of abundant, Univision-approved Brazilian cheesecake with humor for our Friday cheesecake this week. It has more jiggle than you’ll likely need for the cheesecake fix, including a majestic cheek-shaking slomo bit with a club dancer. However it also contains the following, cerebrum-knotting elements:

1. The current governor of California making hand-goggles over his eyes at a dancer’s ass.

2. The current governor of California shoving a carrot stick fellatiously in and out of a woman’s mouth.

3. The current governor of California dancing the samba with a rhythm only describable as “Teutonic.”

4. The current governor of California dancing in Carnival garb and molesting helpless dancing girls.

5. The current governor of California saying this:

You know something, after watching the mulattos shake it, I can totally understand why Brazilians are absolutely devoted to their favorite body part: the ass…

and…

Bunda. I like the bunda.

Watch. Learn. Stand in awe. Arnold Schwarzenegger in Rio, 1983:

The bunda. I like the bunda.

With the good people over at Sports Argument Wiki keeping score, all we lack now for a proper Fulmer Cup season is a regularly updated scoreboard. Being the jankety operation we are, we rely on our readers for chip-ins for things like food and updated graphics, which you deliver promptly and expertly whenever we ask. (Reader ‘Fesser bought us dinner last night, actually-a very nice one. We repaid him by taking him to the Clermont Lounge. No, it’s not a fair world, and we’re not helping it.)

Hospitality, or cruel joke: no one’s really sure about a visit to the Clermont.

We’re still accepting submissions for a new Fulmer Cup scoreboard, and need input. After the jump, please find reader submissions. Be gentle-they took valuable time out of their day to do this.
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This whole story is made much funnier if you press play on the clip and then proceed:

Sam Keller wants you to move, bitch: the Huskers’ ballyhooed transfer from Arizona State earns one, that’s one Fulmer Cup point AH AH AH! for throwing a cup and cursing at a woman who took a parking spot Keller had his eye on in a campus parking garage.

The woman told campus police Keller got out of his car, yelled and threw a plastic cup at her car, said University Police Capt. Carl Oestmann.

A disturbing the peace charge counts, but just barely. Good to see Keller’s warming up for spring, but whatever happened to deference for the fine student-athletes who sacrifice so much for their universities? The last thing an athlete should be forced to do is walk a hundred extra feet.

While you’re thanking your lucky stars you didn’t take that job to coach the Pakistani cricket team…please tell us this isn’t real. Because we know it has to be, and that Alabama fans would do this, and that newspapers try to tell only small lies and not egregious, fifty-ton whoppers like this would be.

The Witts of Hartselle (AL) named their first child, who is 23 months old, Tyde Timothy Witt. He’s already attended several Alabama football games.

The family will introduce Saban Witt to tailgating and to the Tide nation when Alabama plays Florida State on Sept. 29 at Alltel Stadium in Jacksonville, Fla.

Tyde and Saban. Reality beats us to satire again.

You can name pets after coaches-but children? When the whole Martha Stewart “pet chicken fad” took off, we named a chicken after [NAME REDACTED.] Just like its namesake, it ran around all the time, pecking at nothing in particular and wasting precious energy in between constant crowing for no reason. It accomplished nothing, and yet acted like it owned the yard. One day we broke its neck, fried it, and ate it.

We really, really hope that’s not going to be case with this kid if Saban flops at Bama. The hat tip here goes, unsuprisingly, to AUAlum. He has no ulterior motive for finding stories making Bama fans look insane. Nope. Absolutely none.