February 28, 2025

WE’RE TOO GOOD TO MAKE FUN…NO, NO WE’RE NOT.

Remember the final scene in Saving Private Ryan, where the old Ryan looks at his wife and asks her to “tell me I’ve been a good man.” We ask ourselves that question every single day, often over inane things like overuse of office paperclips, interactions with total strangers in traffic (was that a yield? And for me, or them?), and our treatment of animals. (“Definitely neglected the dog by walking them for only twenty minutes today.)

Most days, we’re pretty sure we come out on the high side of decent. However, once we saw this on Have You Met Tony? today, the ledger for February 28th, 2007 must lean into the “nay” category for our own daily Private Ryan rating. We blame society, and are entering rehab for finding glee in the following sports-related name.

Here goes:

Yourhighness Morgan is fortunate. Others…not.



Filed under: Blog Buddies, Not strictly college football, but funny, bea arthur, bizarro superman says you're welcome  by Orson Swindle

JERRY GLANVILLE TO TAKE PORTLAND STATE JOB. ALSO AVAILABLE FOR BACHELORETTE PARTIES.

Jerry Glanville is in the building! And Jerry Glanville is excited, so to hell with Jim Grobe getting a ten-year conference extension at Wake Forest. They suck so much they only get one A in their division.

Jerry’s grabbing hisself a job coaching the 1-double A football at Portland State, baby. That’s Portland State, people, and twice as many A’s. Learn it, know it, and love it because it’s gonna have you all shook up when we put the college football world in a ring of fire!


What victory looks like: Jerry’s got hisself a job.

Things were looking pretty dim for Jerry there for a hot minute. First, Ol’ Jerry was walking the line not for some hotshot car dealer who bought an NFL team on a lark-no, The Man in Black was walking the sidelines in some shithole called Hawaii and working for my old flunky June Jones. He’s the guy who screwed up the best quarterback this ol’ coach ever saw, Jeff George. God, he was beautiful…like a young James Dean, except not bisexual, with a weaker chin, not blond, and most definitely not with the same eyes. But except that and George’s rocket of an arm, they were essentially the same person, right? Hey!

Jerry’s working for June Jones, right, and June’s changed, like, majorly. With Coach Jerry in Atlanta he was always fun and easy-going and down, you know? I’d say something like, “Hey, June, nice dress,” or “Have dinner ready at six and your pants down at eight, June!” Because he’s got a woman’s name, right? A real lady of a man, that’s what Jerry called him. And it killed every time. When he worked for Jerry he thought it was funny, anyway.

In Hawaii, it was like Jerry had some kind of charisma leprosy. (more…)



Filed under: Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, HA-ha., Mid Major Conferences, People we love, Rules? We don't like your...rules., bamf!, beer, bizarro superman says you're welcome, coaching coup, media whoring, sprained cerebrum  by Orson Swindle

FULMER CUP UPDATE: DUKE ENTERS IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE

The Fulmer Cup is supposed to be fun-dark fun, sure, but fun nonetheless. However, Duke makes their entrance into the Fulmer Cup in what is arguably the worst way imaginable with misdemeanor charges of death by vehicle and driving left of the center line for wide receiver Raphael Chestnut, and in no way resembles fun, funny, or even titter-worthy.

Chestnut was involved in a collision on a curve during a heavy rainstorm in Stokesdale, North Carolina with a car driven by Douglas Smith, 50. It’s bad enough that the impact killed Smith; it dives into gutpain awful with this sentence:

His wife and infant in his car weren’t injured, and Chestnut wasn’t seriously injured.

A rare and horrible strike of ill fortune just rent one family asunder, made a wife a widow, and took one college student’s psyche and put a guilt dent in it he may never fully recover from in this lifetime. HA ha…um, ha. Yes. No mention of DUI, either. This is just life striking in horrid and inexplicable fashion as an instant of carelessness, inattention, a freak gust of wind, fiddling with the radio, whatever it was metastasized into major personal tragedy.

Duke is awarded two points if the charges stand. But Jesus, we’re queasy about awarding points for something that seems far less “boys will be boys” misbehavior and far more “why oh why cruel fate” in our ledger.



Filed under: Atlantic Coast Conference, College football  by Orson Swindle

EDSBS RADIO: DISASTER, YES; FUN, ALSO YES.

Much thanks to everyone who turned out last night for EDSBS Radio’s inaugural broadcast. It’s crap your pants bad for the first fifteen minutes or so, and we’re using a mike that makes us sound like we have a speech defect. (Corrected next week-sounding disorganized is one thing, but speech defective? Egads…) Once Peter gets on as co-host, things settle down somewhat.

We’d like to thank one caller in particular: Ragin’ Cajun Rebel. Find his call in the last third of the show to see the real potential in online radio. If you don’t find Sherilyn Fenn minus her arms and legs sexy, then fuck you. The next edition will be on Tuesday, 8:00 p.m. We promise to actually have a plan this time.



Filed under: Blog Buddies, bamf!  by Orson Swindle

WELCOME TO THE SI SWIMSUIT PARTY! GAMMA GLOBULIN SHOOTERS FOR EVERYONE!

The SI Swimsuit Party this year came with a very special extra parting gift: a possible exposure to Hep A. We realized there were going to be cuts at CNNSI…but really, there’s far easier ways to do it. Like Sarin gas, for example. That shit works. (HT: RCR.)

Commenter Ragin Cajun Rebel points out the connection between Jenn Sterger being hired to write for SI On Campus and the Hep A exposure, but we actually think Sterger’s blameless here. She’s too busy giving thinly veiled public glimpses into her fractured psyche motivational speeches to thrilled on-campus audiences nationwide.

I paid for these boobs. Me. Not dad. Well, there’s one to grow on.



Filed under: alas  by Orson Swindle

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