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Wisconsin offensive coordinator Paul Chryst, architect of one of the Big Ten's most powerful and righteous offenses, will remain with the Badgers after a brief flirtation with the Dallas Cowboys.

Badgers head coach Bret Bielema said one of the following quotes regarding Chryst's anticipated and much-welcomed return. Pick the right quote, and win an EDSBS prize!*

"We love him. Unconditionally. We think the guy walks on water."

"He does the work of...well, not two people. It's more like he's three guys wrapped up in one for us."

"If he left, we were going to blame the usual suspects. By that, I mean the Jews, of course."

""I'm very pleased Paul will be staying with our program," Badgers coach Bret Bielema said in a statement. "It's a testament to all he has done here that an organization like the Cowboys would be interested in him."

"Chryst working for the Cowboys? Did you see what God did to Tony Romo? No way he's working for them."

Wisconsin: Chryst returning. Repent, heathens.

*The official EDSBS Esteem and Respect Prize. Cash value? Zero or less.