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BEARCATS BRACING AFTER BAREBACK BASH?

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Forget that they were the town that once banned a Robert Mappelthorpe exhibit: Cincinnati is just as kinky as any other town in the United States (except for Boise--if you only knew how saddle-sore you can get in Potatotown without ever getting on a horse. HA-ha: numb chundles.)

Their erotic Q rating is enjoying a tumescence lately thanks to University of Cincinnati and their football recruits, who engaged in a totally-not-gay group sex encounter involving current Bearcat football players, recruits, and one brave former female soccer player who played the sexual corollary to Poland in multiple, videotaped acts of sexual European geopolitics. This means she was taken by one power, screwed by another, then thrown back and forth between multiples until she was spent and useless. Being Poland sucks historically, unless we're talking in sexual metaphors. Then it just might be your kind of thing.


Don't forget Poland here.

The quote from Cincinnati head coach Brian Kelly:

If anything of the nature described in the allegations did occur, Kelly said, "It's absolutely inappropriate behavior, period. End of discussion. ... That is pretty standard relative to student conduct or even appropriate human-being conduct."

If the videotape gets out--um, harumphharumph of the yahoo variety if you have a copy--Cincinnati could end up making Colorado's hookers 'n cash recruiting strategy of the Gary Barnett era look pretty-kitty tame. It could be worse, though. If Bob Huggins were still coaching there, he would have been the one in the tape visibly hammered and making fierce, drunken, and confused love to a Honeybaked Ham over in the corner.