February 14, 2025

3-2-5-e 86′d !!!11!!!11!!!

GIMME A FUCKIN’ SIREN WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

It’s America after all: Rule 3-2-5e has been scrapped by the NCAA rules committee.


The Berlin Wall, Iron Felix, rule 3-2-5-e…they all fall eventually, brother.

Quoth Rules Committee chair Michael Clark:

“The changes we made last year, overall, did not have a positive effect on college football at all levels…Our charge is to protect the game and do what is best for college football. Last year’s game lost too many plays, but it accomplished the need to shorten the overall time it takes to play a game.”

Modifications will be made, and some of them contain sense. Cut and pasted straight from the AJC:

• Limit the play clock to 15 seconds following a television timeout.

• Kickoffs moved from 35-yard line to 30-yard line.

• Reduced charged team timeouts by 30 seconds.

• Penalties for all kicking team fouls that occur during the kick can be enforced at the end of the run.

• Encourage coaches, officials, game management personnel, media partners to manage the game in a more efficient manner.

• Play clock is started when the ball is handed to the kicker by the umpire on all free kicks.

• Limit instant replay reviews to two minutes to decide to overturn or confirm the ruling on the field.

There’s probably something wrong here, but we’re too overjoyed at having more football in the coming year to examine them too closely. (”Hey, this Munich Agreement looks great. Tell Ms. Chamberlain we’ll be home in time for tea, Jeeves!”) Credit where credit is due: the Wiz of Odds and CFB Stats did more than anyone to keep track of just how much the new rules were hacking away at the game, and have to be given credit for raising awareness. Que! Que! to you and yours for your fine internets advocacy.

For now, sing with us over the gloriously dead corpse of this tyrant rule:

My country ’tis of thee
Today!
Sweet land of liberty
Today!
Of thee I sing
Today!
Of thee I sing
Today!

Far…we’ve been traveling farrrrrrrr…

PAC-10 COACHES URGE PETE CARROLL TO TAKE CHARGERS’ COACHING JOB

It’s almost unanimous: Pac-10 coaches support the rumored candidacy of USC coach Pete Carroll for the San Diego Chargers’ head coaching vacancy.

“There’s not a better candidate out there, and we’d be delighted to see him get the opportunity he so richly deserves,” said a buoyant Mike Bellotti, coach of conference rival Oregon. “He’s got the experience, the talent, and the perspective of someone who’s been in the league before but understands its limitations.”


Mike Bellotti: so happy about the potential of Carroll’s departure, he might grow his winning mustache back. Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers.

Bellotti’s teams are 1-5 against Carroll’s teams, and have been outscored in those games by a margin of 146-80.

“He might want to hurry up, though,” said the Ducks coach. “They’re just signing them younger and younger in the NFL these days at the coaching level. Time waits for no man, not even Pete.”

Bellotti smiled, then paused. “But we’d miss him. Yeah, we’d miss him.”

Reaction regarding the expected rumors of Carroll to the Chargers extended across the Pacific Coast. Jeff Tedford, Cal coach, seconded Bellotti’s sentiments in a phone interview early Wednesday.”

“Really? San Diego? Wow, that would be…um, a huge loss for the league, sure. (more…)

AUBURN VD CARDS FOR THE LOVER IN YOU.

The Auburner has some outstanding Valentine’s Day Cards for the War Tiger Plainsman fan in your life. We have one in ours. He’s called our gardener! Woooshaa!!! BOOOM!!! Actually, we do-his name is Cuddles, and he’s our seven foot tall, 380 pound behemoth of a brother, a fine Auburn grad who’s fond of calling us at eight in the morning on fall Saturdays and making pronouncements like this:

Orson: Hello?

Cuddles: Hey. It’s eight in the morning, and I’m eating Nachos in my underwear and opening my first beer.

Orson: …

Cuddles: It’s game day.

Orson: Yes. It’s game day.

We’ll send a few his way, for sure. Nothing better than sharing VD with the ones you love. These two make us particularly warm and fuzzy:

And:

PRESIDENT BUSH CONGRATULATES SLY CROOM, SOUTHEASTERN FOOTBALL LEAGUE COACH

Sly Croom managed to keep his mouth shut during his meeting with President Bush at the White House, therefore not killing our President with the sheer, unfiltered power of his Marlboro basso voice.

He did provide the opportunity for President Bush to get the name of the football conference wrong, however. (HT: John.)

I’m also proud to be here with another football coach who deserves a lot of credit, Sylvester Croom, who is the head football coach from Mississippi State University. His achievement is the first African American coach in the Southeastern Football League — Southeastern Conference.

Okay, he caught it. But now tantalized by the concept of a “Southeastern Football League,” we’ve already begun to think of new names for teams in this inchoate, developing semi-pro league.

The Columbia Stench

The Nashville Bore

The Memphis Shivs

The New Orleans Flood

Ah, the possibilities. We misunderestimated our president yet again. First, he survives a direct conversation with Sylvester Croom; second, he gives us an idea for the seven-on-seven flag football league. As befitting a man who once named his college intramurals team the “Nads” (so you’d have to say “Go, Nads!”), President Bush displays uncanny accidental vision in the field of sports. We’re ready for the EDSBS interview when you are, sir.


President Bush, seen here with new mascot of the even newer Southeastern Football League, Flat Stanley.

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