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WILLIE WILLIAMS, STEAK AND LOBSTER AFICIONADO, TO SIGN WITH LOUISVILLE?

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You tell us what the following people all have in common:

Harper Lee.

Boris Pasternak.

Ralph Ellison.

Willie Williams.

You're saying that all of them slept with Natasha Lyonne, right? Untrue--Ralph Ellison never got there, though Boris ran her up one side of the hotel room and down the other like a true Cossack would. The thing they really all have in common is being one hit wonders of the literary world. Lee had To Kill A Mockingbird, Pasternak had Doctor Zhivago, Ellison had Invisible Man, and Willie Williams had his recruiting diary in the Miami Herald, where he chronicled his journey through the sea of surf 'n turf dinners, fortuitously hot women placed in his path, and his visit to the University of Florida, which a player at Miami referred to as "the country."


Willie Williams, seen here penning a sonnet to his mouthpiece in front of an electrified crowd.

Sadly, the whole masterpiece remains shrouded behind the pay wall of the Miami Herald's website, so a whole brick in the wall of the canon of Western literature falls out thanks to the bean-counters. Fortunately, Willie's status as a one-shot-Shakespeare may change soon: after being booted from Da U (yes, it can happen,) despite them disregarding the 11 prior arrests on his record from high school, the former Parade All-American says he's signing with Louisville and the impossibly manly-named Steve Kragthorpe.

Citizens of Louisville, bar the doors to your house, but open your minds to his dulcet, searing words. He's coming.