Numerous corrections follow. Bear with the italics, but as always, our errors remain public record.
The Fulmer Cup season began on the sounding of the gun, um...yesterday, to be precise. We'll revisit the points system tomorrow, but for a top ten preseason Fulmer Cup poll, DevilGrad is all over this on Miami Hawk Talk.
He's leaning towards traditional powers--Miami, Tennessee--but we would remind you that Dennis "Old Smuggler" Erickson is back on the prowl, and if there's one thing his teams do better than stealing the cream of the junior college crop, it's stealing hearts. And cars. Arizona State is our surefire dark horse for the '07 Fulmer Cup, if past performance is any indicator of future success.
Dennis Erickson, who survived driving a golf cart into Kiluaea during the Hula Bowl, could take the Sun Devils to Fulmer Cup greatness.
An example, just to break in the new readers on the exquisite intricacies of Fulmer Cup scoring, follows:
Ryan Perrilloux, former all-continent quarterback in high school who had the bad fortune to play behind Jamarcus Russell, Matt Flynn, and an allegedly nasty attitude, has three outstanding warrants for Driving While Intoxicated.Traffic Violations. All of these date back from during the season, so thus cannot apply to Fulmer Cup '07.
In fact, we'll knock off one just because having one outstanding warrant for DWI is mandatory for all residents of Louisiana. Actually, since Perriloux is just dealing with traffic tickets, hell, we'll knock off two here, since who doesn't have a few of these lying around? You? What, you want a gold star for being Mr. "I don't park in the fire lane?" Here, Lisa Simpson. Gold star for you, Johnny McNerdley.
On the 1 being piddly stuff and 5 being murder of the shot-in-the-face, "RIVERSIDE MOTHERFUCKER!!!" variety, DWI ranks at about a two. (Unless you drive through a chemical plant while doing it, setting off a fire destroying the entire town. Obviously, more points are needed.) No single crime goes above a five, though modifiers may be added as style points.
Traffic violations warrants, specialty of the Georgia Bulldogs, get a point each. Minor, but games are won and lost at the margins.
Perrilloux, in this case, would only be given 4 2 points. These points are then awarded to the tally of the university as a whole, and are tracked throughout the season on the Fulmer Cup Scoreboard.
Now if Perriloux were involved in something reeeeaaaalllly spectacular--a counterfeiting operation involving a casino, say--now that would mean serious points, including an OMG Secret Service Modifier of one point. But that's just picking one out of the blue with no connection to reality whatsoever.
I'm not NOT laundering money. Hypothetically speaking, of course.