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ALABAMA RESORTS TO...DESPERATE MEASURES TO WOO SABAN.

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We don't believe Alabama fans' insistence on 'Bama actually landing Saban has so much as an asshair's worth of veracity. Then again, these are the people who kept telling us that Franchione was batting eyes at the Aggies while still very much holding the office of head coach. (When someone is constantly insane, it stands to measure that eventually they'll be right, right? This is the rubric for evaluating and all rumors surrounding Alabama football.)

ESPN, though, seems to have the real lowdown on Alabama's strategy to woo the completely uninterested and heavily compensated Saban to Alabama. And if you believe the box lead on ESPN.com, Alabama's using and ancient and time-tested strategy to get him. (HT: Brian.)

If 'Bama thinks cocksucking is going to land Saban, they're dead wrong. The man coached in Louisiana and Miami--wethinks the cocksucking there has to rate high in the percentile stratosphere for that kind of thing. If this were USC, we'd wager on Saban possibly leaving, since USC's actually had a porn star enroll as a student.

But Alabama? The last expert we can remember in sucking cock in Tuscaloosa was Mike McKenzie, the personal fellatrix for Dennis Franchione who authored "coachfran.com" and who played a part in costing Sports Illustrated $20 million bucks as the alleged source for the Mike Price stripper story. And no one wants that kind of "special treatment" again.