Houston Nutt, madman, knows no peace. Despite an outrageously successful season, internecine conflict brews in Fayetteville, which seems insane until you remember that this is the life of Houston Nutt, written in a mode somewhere between a telenovela and an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. (Title: Las Cronicas Locas de Don Hogg. Univision, Wednesdays 10 pm.)
Las Cronicas Locas de Don Hogg. Que ridiculo! (Otra vez)
This time, it's meddling parentals. From the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette:
Cleveland said the issue for the Springdale players and their parents is that the offense isn’t what they were led to believe it would be during the recruiting process.
After Malzahn was hired, Ben Cleveland and Damian Williams switched their commitments from Florida to Arkansas and Mustain recommitted to Arkansas after reopening his recruiting.
"With our kids going to Arkansas, it’s basically like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole," Rick Cleveland said of the offense. "When Gus came onto the scene, the very first question we would ask was, ‘Do you have full control of the offense and do you have full control of the personnel ?’ Which we were told, ‘Yes.’
" I don’t believe Gus lied to us. But as the season has progressed, it’s very obvious that this is not Gus Malzahn’s offense and Gus does not have full control of the personnel or the play calling.
" From our perspective — and it’s only our perspective — it seems as if you’ve been sold a bill of goods.
" We never would have committed here knowing that this was the offense, because we knew our boys wouldn’t be happy."
Ah, for the days when coaches could have parents throttled quietly in alleys. Ask yourself: what would Woody Hayes have done in this situation? Answer: it probably would have involved a flamethrower, C4, and several hundred million dollars worth of damage. Actually, it would have looked and sounded a lot like Falling Down, or our 21st birthday celebration.
Focus! Did these parents watch a single game? Do they understand that Humanity Advanced was in their backfield? Did they miss having a freshman qb for half the season and Casey Dick for the remainder? That may be the most frightening aspect of this latest strange chapter in Las Cronicas de Don Hogg: these people can vote and operate heavy machinery, and have already bred and insured the spread of their genes.